Monday, November 8, 2010

(Unm)ask A Chola

A chola she definitely is NOT...She still cute though.

The local blogger/vlogger/Tweeter/internet personality world rocked with an earthquake the past few days as the formerly unspecified Ask A Chola's identity was revealed.

Not only was she not a chola (fairly obvious though), but she was someone who wasn't even Latina - she is revealed to be a Greek American named Chloe Michalopolous. and not "Soledad from East Los" as previously puported. And the stinger? She ain't even from the Eastside. She ain't even from the fake Eastside! She's from Orange County!


Get the rope.

Of course, there are actual cholas from the O.C. (which does not stand for "Original Chola"), and though she hardly resembled any of the heavily-makeup'd, gravity-defying oversprayed hair-bang chicks the Militant remembered from his Jr. High and High School days, he probably chalked her up as a pocha who similarly went to school or lived in close proximity to cholas. But nawwww!

The Militant feels a little disillusioned right now. He feels like burning all his Ask A Chola merchandise. Okay, he has none, but maybe he'll delete her site from his web browser's bookmark list. Admittedly, and as you can see from the Militant's lovely photo, Ask A Chola was a quasi-semi-part inspiration for the Militant Angeleno, and now he feels like a 10-year-old who was informed that there is no Santa Claus.

The Militant actually spotted Ask A Chola (or is that Ask A Chloe?) this past August in Chinatown hanging out in the Chinatown central square for the Chinatown Summer Nights program. She was sitting on a bench, wearing a retro-style yellow dress, and she definitely fit the description. Besides, she just tweeted she was there, and she was typing away on her smart phone.

The Militant was soooo tempted to snap a pic of her and reveal her to the world, but Blogger's Honor prevailed (he would get pissed if one of his peers ratted him out!) so the Militant just let it go. Of course, who would have known she was a phony? The transplants love to say "L.A. people are all phony" - Of course, this particular phony is from The O.C.!

Now that the damage has been done, the Militant wants to let you, a person who may or may not be a regular reader of this here blog, know that the Militant Angeleno is not a phony. He is who he says he is: A native Los Angeleno who has long been pissed off about people's general ignorance about Los Angeles, and efforts by transplants and the East Coast media hegemony to perpetrate that ignorance. The Militant never made any claims about his ethnic heritage, other than that his parents immigrated from an unspecified Third World country. All of the above was, is and will always be TRUE. The Militant is The Real Deal. Believe it!

And if you don't here's a scan of part of the Militant's actual birth certificate (click to enlarge):
Okay, any and all identifying information has been pixelated out...but the pertinent information is there: 1) It is a document from the State of California; 2) The Militant was born in Los Angeles County; 3) The Militant was born in the City of Los Angeles and 4) He was born inside the city limits. Not merely a So Cal native but a Los Angeles native! Buhleedat!

The Militant should take this opportunity to reach out to all the fellow disillusioned Ask A Chola fans out there: Here's a masked person who walks the walk, talks the talk and even bikes the bike. Sure he won't talk about UFOs that much, but you'll learn craploads about this City, researched and written from the perspective of a real Angeleno who grew up on its real streets. Besides, she hasn't updated her blog since February 2009! (And you though thought the Militant is slacking!) If you're looking for your new masked hero, The Militant Is It!

Despite the Militant's little prank earlier this Spring, the Militant remains anonymous. Sure, some think they know who he is. But the Militant can never confirm or deny such hypotheses. Even if he is revealed, he may no longer be anonymous and unspecified, but he will still very much be...a Militant Angeleno.


WALT! said...

Wait. Why hide your hospital? Had to be Queen of The Angels. Am I right?

As far as Ask A Chola, I too saw her at a recent event we were both at. Thought it might be her, but was thrown off by the sight of her Greek nose as opposed to an assumed Latina one.

Oh well. Glad The Militant is the real deal!

WALT! said...

Gotta take you to task with the term "The O.C." This is a term imposed on our neighbor to the south by a pinche non-native Rode Island transplant. Prior to 2003, nobody, NOBODY in or around Orange County uttered the phrase "The O.C." until that TV Show came along.

EL CHAVO! said...

Damn, now that I think about it, I wasn't born in the city of LA, but I was born on the Eastside proper so that's good enough for me!
I'm a bit pissed that some internet mob ratted out her identity, not that I necessarily cared much for her persona, but still that's messed up. Plus, I have self-interest in mind, hehe. And even though I know who you are MA, I would never rat you out like a common snitch. :)

BTW, you put up a picture of me on your blog, but you just don't know it! HAHA!

Militant Angeleno said...

Walt: The hospital has to be hidden for obvious reasons...His real persona doesn't wanna get any, "AHA! You're the Militant Angeleno, because you were also born at [Unspecified] Hospital!" crap from people he knows, hope you understand.

Hmmmm, The Militant didn't think Chola/Chloe had a "Greek" nose. She could pass for a fair-skinned Latina or half, which may or may not be the impetus for her Chola persona. The Militant gets mistaken for various other ethnicities all the time, so he totally understands (he never fronts as any of them though!)

As for "The O.C." thing, yes, the Militant knows that. He employs "The O.C." partly in jest, and partly that he doesn't really care if it offends anyone since he ain't no traffic-causing, sprawl-inducing suburbanite!

Anonymous said...

Walt!: Yeah, those of us behind the Orange Curtain don't call it "the OC" (nor do we acknowledge that there's anything in the 909 area code (j/k IE)).
And the show was shot in the South Bay ('cuz there's no parking in Newport Beach) One of the show's producers actually attended Corona Del Mar HS and drew upon his hard life experiences there.
You know, the big problems they faced like which luxury car to drive to school that day.
You guys are always welcome down here, drop by for a bowl of pho. MA: Keep up the good work.
-A sprawl-inducing reader who rides the train everyday.

cindylu said...

Glad you're the real thing!

Somehow, I didn't really think much of her being "exposed." You can only be so anonymous when half your face is covered. Plus, I never really got on the Ask A Chola bandwagon (then again, I thought Ask A Ninja was kinda lame too).

I don't think those spreading the word about Chloe think of themselves as rats. They're too concerned about brownface.