On 9/9/09, The Militant's Nod To The 99

Today, the ninth day of the ninth month of the ninth year of this century, the Militant would like to do a paean to, what else, the 99 Cents Only Stores!

Now, many have derided this noble institution, oft ridiculed by Jay Leno as selling substandard and poorly-labeled products (but karma can be a beyotch, though). Others only go there to buy their beachballs for the Dodger game. And many more have uttered the most-used adjective synonymous with the 99 Cents Only Store: "ghetto."

But there's nothing "ghetto" about a company that raked in $1.2 billion last year and operates a very high-tech inventory stocking and tracking system. Most of all, The 99 is a Los Angeles original, which opened its first store on 6854 La Tijera in Westchester in 1982 and now operates 271 stores across California, Texas, Arizona and Nevada (its corporate HQ is in the City of Commerce).

The Militant takes to The 99 because, well, it's convenient, and yes, cheap. Why spend 3 bucks for toilet paper when you can get it for $0.99 (okay, 99.99 cents now...)? It's all gonna wind up in the same place anyway!

Okay, granted, there are some items you wouldn't want to be caught buying at The 99. The Militant understands. But there are some items The 99 excels at. Like snack foods, stationery, tools, electronic accessories (Phone charger for 99 cents? Score!) batteries and most of the time, produce (Don't knock the 99.99-cent strawberries! They can be good!)

The commonly-held belief that The 99 sells expired and spoiled goods isn't true. The produce the Militant has bought at the 99 was surprisingly good, and no worse off that what he'd find at Vons. The company interestingly capitalizes on the crass excess and consumerism of this country, and re-sells poorly-marketed products at a more worthy price.

Sometimes there's just too much of an item and and it has to clear out. And sometimes those items are pure gold, literally. Like who knew they printed gazillions of copies of the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics Official Souvenir Program? The Militant got his for $16 back in the day (which is now torn and creased beyond recognition) but found a mint-condition copy, nay, a whole stack of mint condition copies -- for 99(.99) cents!

The Militant, who has friends and relatives in the burbs, nearly all of them mass-endowed, wonders about their utter fascination with Costco. Maybe the Militant might be fascinated by that store, except there ain't any where he lives. The 99 is the inner city's Costco. It's also more transit/bike/pedestrian friendly since the stores aren't just on popular corridors, but you don't have to lug bulk-sized portions home in an SUV. And best of all, there's more brand diversity -- all your merchandise isn't made by "Kirkland."

The company's current slogan is, "The Right Store...Now More Than Ever!" - an obvious reference to the recession. And rightfully so. Can you imagine a world without a 99 Cents Only Store, and all the overpriced crap we'd have to pay for in this economy?

So on this day, 9/9/2009, the Militant toasts his glass of wine Martinelli's Sparkling Apple-Raspberry Cider (at 99.99 cents per bottle), to the venerable, the vital and the homegrown 99 Cents Only Store. Salud!

Economic Stimulus, Dodger Style

As we all know, on Tuesday President Obama signed into law the $787 billion American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which was designed to stimulate the national economy and create jobs.

Meanwhile, the yet-to-be-blossoming rosebud of the baseball season has surfaced, and Spring Training has begun in Glendale (no, not that one) Arizona. Dodger players, old, new and old-but-new-again alike, have reported to camp. But...there's...something...missing...

Yes, the M-word. The 2008 season has ended, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Day, MLK Day, Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day and even Presidents' Day have all come and gone...and still yet the Dodgers have not signed Manny Ramirez.

Apparently offers have been made, then turned down, then made again, then turned down again. And while other teams are rarin' to go, the Dodgers still lack some key pieces to their 2009 puzzle.

The Militant is not one to barge in on business deals but...

DUDE...FRANK...NED...SIGN HIM ALREADY!!!!!!!

Yes, the Dodgers have been burned with big multi-year deals, but look, think of this as economic stimulus. Seriously. You get Manny on the team, people buy tickets. People buy the Manny shirts. People buy the cheesy Manny dreadlock wigs. And most of all, people buy parking at the stadium (Well, okay, maybe not the Militant, lol).

It's been estimated that in the not-even half-of-a-season that Ramirez played in Blue last year, his presence in the squad raked in $24 million in merchandise alone. That's half a season, folks. This man pays for himself!

Seriously, Los Angeles is not immune from the economic slump as we all know. But Manny Ramirez creates an entire economy all be himself. Call it Mannynomics. Manny Being Money. Whatever. Think of all those ticket sales. Think of all those season ticket sales. Think of all the people they'll be hiring at sports bars when folks crowd in there this October to watch Manny in the '09 playoffs. Think of all the families being fed after making Manny wigs all day (okay, granted, it's probably children in China making that stuff, but still...). Sixy, eighty, a hundred million, whatever....it's still chump change compared to a $787 billion stimulus package...yet the Dodger organization can provide economic stimulus to all of Los Angeles.

Please...for the economy's sake...sign Manny now.

Is This Any Way To Go?

The Militant usually doesn't talk about high-speed (or even the lower velocity ones, as what happened) car chases that give law-breaking, pedal-flooring attention whores a great deal of their 15 minutes of fame.

But on Monday night, as a Bentley covered much of a Thomas Guide's worth of roadage, 27 year old Pakistani immigrant Mustafa Mustafa, after doing his best Chris Brown impression (and we're not talking about singing here...) and leading Jon and Ponch on a 5-hour chase, ended his life with a self-inflicted gunshot wound on Lankershim Boulevard, just yards north of the Los Angeles River. Apparently, he lamented the loss of his business.

This is not the first time someone decided to react radically to their financial situation. Just days ago, a Wilmington man offed his entire family and himself after losing his job at a Kaiser Permanente Medical Center.

As the economic situation grows more weary, expect more of these headlines.

The Militant, though, can't help but shake his head in disbelief.

Is that the last thing you want to do on this Earth? Drive your car around for five hours? Why not live it up a bit? Rent a limo, no a helicopter. Buy some expensive booze. Pick up some high-priced call girls. After all, you won't have to worry about debt for that much longer.

The Militant kids here...No really folks, it's just money. WTF people! The Militant has fallen on financial hard times before...and some of that was the greatest moments of his life. If a squatter in Calcutta can get by for years, how then can't a family living in the convenient trappings of America? You got hot running water and flushing toilets. And now you wanna end your life? Really now. Life is all about ebb and flow. Just as things can turn towards the worst in a short amount of time, they can likewise get better. Ya just got to ride the wave, duuuude.

Maybe it's because of his extensive Mililtant survivalist training, but The Militant doesn't really mind this recession thing, really. If anything, maybe it'll give people new perspective. There's nothing wrong with being rich, but excess is mothafuggin excess. It's nice to have a lot of money, but once you become so rich that you're not able to control it yourself, and require hiring others to handle it for you...then it's not so fun anymore.

The Militant also has no outstanding debt (outside of a car payment, which is more paid off than not), so even if this financial situation gets worse, he just might become rich by default.

Maybe the Militant will start a new career as a financial advisor...okay maybe not. But the moral to this story is perspective. No matter what your situation is, there's always someone out there who's better off than you...and tons more people who's much, much worse off than you. Hang in there, folks.

Epilogue: Sometimes, You Get Something For Nothing These Days

Just hours after the Militant beyotched about the new price of a newspaper, while riding on the (M)etro-o-ooo, it seems the Angels of the City were smiling down on him and gave him a free copy...on the floor of a light rail car (pictured above).

Considering that the paper was free of footprints, food stains or any other unpleasant blemishes, good enough.

He read the paper on his ride and even shared the Sports section with a fellow passenger who asked about it.

And in the interest of good karma, the golden rule, blind reciprocation, etc., on the Metro ride back to his compound, after reading what he wanted to read, he left it, neatly folded, on the seat of his train, for another passenger to enjoy a 75-cent break of their own.

That's So LAME!

Recently it was announced that the Los Angeles Convention and Visitor's Bureau decided, as a stop-gap measure to combat the effects of the recession with regard to our tourist industry, to employ a frequently-used derogatory phrase, which naturally capitalizes on frequent cliches and generalizations about Los Angeles.

The big money-shot phrase for this $2 million domestic tourism campaign: "THAT'S SO LA!"

The Militant facepalms.

Look, the Militant gets it, you're trying to re-claim the phrase to make it look like a positive one, and obviously the Militant generally supports any campaign meant to improve our image, but for a town whose ad geniuses love to tout its innovation and imagination, the said ad geniuses pick one of the least innovative and imaginative phrases of all.

According to the LACVB, the campaign highlights Walt Disney Concert Hall, Venice Beach, Universal Studios, the Hammer Museum and the Hollywood sign. Haven't most people who visit Los Angeles occasionally been to or seen most of these already? Do not we have neighborhoods in this town that are unlike any other in the country? It's just...argh...

[Okay Militant, calm down, reeeeelax. Think happy thoughts]

Oh well. Guess that's what this here blog is for.

You Get Less For More These Days

The Militant awoke from hiw winter hibernation a little earlier than expected -- he thought from the nice, warm, sunny weather it was April already but was surprised to know it's still only mid-January. So he decided to take a little stroll down an unspecified east-west thoroughfare when he took a peek at a newsstand to find out what's going on in the world and exactly what day it was today.

Then he noticed it.

Los Angeles Times...Daily: 75 cents!

Okay time out, let's let that sink in.

SEVENTY-FIVE FREAKING CENTS?!?!?

The Militant is well aware of some of the recent changes to the paper, the shrinking physical mass (and local coverage) notwithstanding. As mentioned before, the Militant still digs reading a physical paper, as it's a nice way to pass the time riding the (M)etro or sitting on the can (even one of these). And the Militant loves seeing the rear page of the Sports or Business sections to see what's on sale at Fry's this week for the latest high-tech gadgetry to blow his Militant income on. And surely people will mob and claw at each other in a Black Friday-like frenzy over copies of the January 21st edition of the Times...or any newspaper, for that matter.

But...75 cents?

Zell, please!