The Militant Takes On SNL's 'The Californians' Skit

The Militant, ever the watchdog on all things in the mainstream media stereotyping or degrading Los Angeles or Angelenos, caught the social media buzz generated this past weekend by people on this side of the country over NBC's Saturday Night Live sketch, "The Californians," which depicts a faux soap opera about a bunch of outdated '80s-era beach-blonde surfer-talking So Cal stereotypes obsessed with driving directions involving a litany of freeways referred to by their route number, preceded by the article, "The."

Now, the Militant likes a good joke, and he knows, even though NBC is part of the great East Coast-based media hegemony which conspires to degrade us through its inaccurate media portrayal of our people, that the New York-based SNL is not just about a good laugh, but also pokes fun at their own regional quirks even more. Although every time an SNL skit comes on that involves characters talking in a thick Bwooklynesqe accent, he knows that every single joke will fly over his head and will not find anything funny about it whatsoever.


So now to "The Californians." He gets the surfer talk and the Valley talk but, dude (no pun intended), that's like three decades old already. Nobody talks like that anymore, unless they arrived in a time machine that looks like a telephone booth. And speaking of "like," they somehow kinda like glossed over that word which us Southern California locals unconsciously interject in a seemingly random manner to our colloquial speech pattern for the sake of maintaining a certain rhythmic flow to it. And what about uptalkers? Y'know, the people what make every sentence sound like a question when they talk? Everyone in So Cal knows someone who's an up talker? They weren't even considered?
The other problem with the outdated surfer/Valley talk, was that it was, like, really poorly executed. They sounded like their mouths were in pain trying to recite those lines. To the point where some of what they said was unintelligible. Apparently there was a Zankou Chicken reference in there. But after watching the skit several times, he still can't find out where it was. Oh well.
And as for the freeway directions, ha ha, The Militant gets it. It was funny, but not ha-ha funny. It just got old fast. And besides, the research was bad. San Vicente does not go to The 10. Beverly Glen does not reach Encino. The 105 does not have a Culver exit. Venice Blvd doesn't take you to Marina Del Rey all the way down (it takes you to, um, Venice?) Hanging a right on Alhambra doesn't take you to Sunset, and even if it does, it's a long way from Cahuenga.
And what was up with the maid? Was she supposed to be Latina? If so, why does she have a Swedish accent?
Was the Militant offended? No, not really. They could have pulled it off better and made it funnier, but it was just haphazardly done. The funniest part was cast member Bill Hader trying to contain his laughter. Worst of all, the best "inside" jokes were rendered unintelligible (The Militant finally found the Zankou reference after watching it for like the 4th time).  They had a chance to do something really good, even at our expense, but they just like kinda blew it, y'know?
And for a sketch called "The Californians," where does it leave the Nor Cal folks? Meh, The Militant hella don't care.

The Militant's Response to 'Some Guidelines On How To Be A True Angeleno'

As if in a flash, the Militant's Facebooks and Twitters blew up with people forwarding the link to Los Angeles Times columnist Hector Tobar's entry today, entitled, "Some guidelines on how to be a true Angeleno."

First off, this blog post is not about hateration. In fact, Tobar (pictured left) is one of The Militant's favorite Times columnists. And The Militant pretty much agrees with what Tobar is saying in the column. Although, The Militant may or may not be tickled that the mainstream media is finally talking about the things that yours truly has been writing about for years. But hey, even though the Hector Tobar isn't the Militant Angeleno, he certainly is the closest thing to it down there at Times Mirror Square.

This post is not so much a rebuttal to Tobar's column, but more of an addendum to the conversation. And damnit, this kind of subject matter is The Militant's virtual gang turf. So he's gotta represent!

So let's do this:

1. Don't fawn over celebrities.
True dat. The Militant never learned it in school (they don't really teach you anything that pertains to the real world at the LAUSD), but somehow he's instinctively learned not to be starstruck. First of all, it's sort of understood that one needs to respect celebs' privacy. The other matter is, when The Militant actually sees celebs on the street or at the supermarket, he isn't quite sure it's them. You'd feel like a total ass and a half if what you thought was a celebrity turned out to be Just Someone Who Happens To Look Like Them...or worse - an actual wannabe who is hoping you'd fall into their trap.

There is one exception, and that is celebrities who you truly, totally, admire. The Militant met an unspecified celebrity randomly once while shopping at an unspecified store. He was shaking in his boots. But he got his composure together and, in a casual manner, approached the unspecified star during an opportune moment after the salesperson left that unspecified celeb alone. But there were no autograph or photograph (well, this was the days before everyone had digital cameras and smartphones) requests. The Militant just wanted to have a brief conversation with the unnamed famous person, shake their hand and tell them how influential that person has been to him. Done and done and done, and it was one of The Militant's greatest experiences.

2. Use your turn signals.
Word. You paid for your car, right? So get your freaking money's worth. Use the turn signals.

3. Barbecue, garden, enjoy the outdoors
Definitely. Barbecue? Check. Garden? That's not The Militant's thing, but one of The Militant's operatives keeps preaching the gospel of California native plants. The Militant is gradually learning about them (if only for the historical perspective), so he may or may not cover this subject later. But this Militant Angeleno will not drive 20 miles just to go for a walk. He can walk, bike or Metro there. It's part of the adventure. You can, however drive just an hour away and be in the mountains, or on a farm. Because we can do that here.

4. Be cool with ethnic diversity.
Be cool? This is part of the Militant's freaking life! He lives ethnic diversity. If diversity is some foreign concept you have to learn how to merely "be cool" with, The Militant does not want to waste his time on your podunk n00b Why-Is-There-No-Cheese-In-My-Taco ass. Next!

(Although people do ask the Militant in person, "What are you?" He chooses to have lots of fun with that...)

5. Know your shortcuts.
If you use your GPS for anything other than locating a house on an obscure sidestreet or finding the nearest applicable ATM, you need to be slapped. The Militant has the Thomas Guide memorized. BOTH VERSIONS.

6. Appreciate Vin Scully.
The bigger Militant issue is more like, how can one actually appreciate a Dodger game when it's not called by Vinny? And, when the time comes where Scully retires or meets The Great Dodger In The Sky (later than sooner! later than sooner!)...Will AI technology be advanced enough to replicate the legendary announcer's voice, diction, prose and idiosyncracies?

7. Acknowledge and respect local traditions.
Yeah. And this includes spelling Silver Lake as two words, and knowing that "The Eastside" is east of the Los Angeles River, damnit.

8. Don't ever say: "L.A. doesn't have any seasons."
Because, as you might have been noticing lately, we can go through all four seasons in the span of a week or two.

9. Don't wear your civic pride on your sleeve.
Okay, this is the only one where The Militant vehemently disagrees on. The Militant will dissect Tobar's explanation:

Your typical Boston or Seattle resident can get pretty snippety about how great his city is. A real Angeleno, however, is too world-wise to claim his city is perfect.

Yes, we all know about the snippety transplant. But does civic pride always have to mean one's city is perfect? Of course not, and shame on you Tobar for assuming that. Of course a transplant, as proud as they are, wearing their stupid little Yankees cap around this town may not admit openly that their hometown is perfect, but the fact that they live here is an unspoken admission of its imperfectness. After all, if it were perfect, they would still be living there.

But what is wrong with having civic pride? The Militant has long believed this is something we need to change. Don't let yourself be drowned out by the civic pride of the transplanted on YOUR TURF. That is an insult to you. Stand up! REPRESENT!

We know ours is a flawed paradise. We recognize and complain about its faults, but we still wouldn't live anywhere else.

Is any place free from flaws, really? Even the most Liveable Cities According To Forbes Or The Economist Or Mercer's has their own problems and issues. But you don't know about them because you don't live there.

But recognizing and complaining and complaining about faults shouldn't just be the end of the game. You can get involved, you can do something about it. The Militant is, why aren't you?

10. Define it your own way.
Yeah, it's called http://militantangeleno.blogspot.com. BOO-YA!

Guess there are Angelenos, and True Angelenos. But then there are Militant Angelenos.

The Cosmetic Surgery Capital of America? Yeah Right.

Ask anyone where the Cosemetic Surgery Capital of America is, and you'll hear "L.A." before you even reach the second syllable of "Capital." Right?

But Men's Health Magazine recently ranked the top metropoli in the United States in terms of cosmetic surgery, botox applicatiions and cosmetic dentists. The number one city? It's in California alright, but you wouldn't have the foggiest idea where. The Militant will just hold that answer at bay. Okay, okay, here's a clue: It's famous for its bridges, and probably now those bridges might have to deal with the ones on people's noses.

And where does Los Angeles rank? No lie - click it on the map yourself - Number 48.

Shaking Up Those Earthquake Myths!

You may or may not know that the Militant loves to dispel myths and debunk stereotypes. Well, Tuesday's little E ticket ride (Wiki it, kids...) brought out the same tired old non-truths about earthquakes from people with no prior experience in seismic activity who think they know more about seismology than Dr. Lucy Freaking Jones. It boggles the mind, folks...

So here's a bunch of myths, mis-truths and just plain bad knowledge cleared up once and for all by the Militant:

"Los Angeles is 'Earthquake Country.'" Well, you can't deny that quakes happen here. But sorry to break this to you: earthquakes happen in other cities as well. You might have heard of San Francisco? Quakes happen in the Pacific Northwest as well, and one of the largest earthquakes in U.S. history originated not in the west coast but in the Midwest: The 8.0 New Madrid quake in 1812 centered in what is now Missouri, not only changed the course of the Mississippi River, but reportedly rang church bells in Boston and was felt as far away as Maine. Nonsense? Look at this map comparing the damage range of our 1994 6.7 Northridge Earthquake with a 6.8 New Madrid quake in 1895. Where's your "Earthquake Country" now?

The East Coast is not totally immune to earthquakes, either. Though not as seismically active, they do happen, mainly due to the crust re-settling after the Ice Age. Earthquakes are also a reality in Asia, Africa, southern Europe and South America. In fact, 2/3 of the world's population lives in an earthquake-prone zone. "Earthquake Country," you say? More like Earthquake Planet.

"Ack! I don't wanna fall through a hole in the ground!" Um, no. Though surface fissures occur, not only are most of them not large enough for a human being to fall into, but most of them are in the immediate area of the epicenter, and most epicenters are located in mountainous or rural areas, you probably have a greater chance of getting in a car accident. As you're getting hit by lightning. On the day you win the Lottery. Many deaths or injuries from earthquakes come from falling objects or structures, but when was the last time you heard of someone falling into a ground fissure? NEXT!

"Must Be Earthquake Weather..." The belief that weather somehow directly influences earthquakes didn't even originate in Southern California. In 4 B.C. Greek philosopher Aristotle theorized that earthquakes (yes, they happen in Greece, too), were caused by winds trapped in underground caves. Modern scientists have since learned that quakes happen far beneath the surface. Tuesday's tremor originated some seven miles (36,960 feet) below the earth's surface. The temperature down there isn't affected by what's on the ground level. Besides, the weather in Tuesday wasn't that much different than Monday. Where was the quake on Monday? It was even hotter in previous days, where was the earthquake then? Weather has no proven direct effect on earthquakes.

"I Don't Want To Be In The Red Line When An Earthquake Hits." Actually, you should. Our subway tunnels and stations, built at least 60 feet below street level, were constructed to move with the earth (by comparison, New York's subway tunnels, most of which are immediately below street level, would actually be unsafe places during an earthquake in NYC (which is always a scientific possibility), and will cause the streets to collapse, making the entire city un-navigable). Would you rather be on a freeway overpass (or under one?) Didn't think so. Being deeper in the ground has its advantages, as all seismologists know that seismic waves are released and more amplified on the surface, whereas underground, they just pass through.

Many people complain about our Metro system being built too little, too late, but the "too late" part does have its advantages, as its design incorporates decades worth of seismic-resistant engineering learned from experience in other subway systems in seismic-prone areas. Speaking of which, after their respective large quakes in 1985 and 1989, Mexico City's and San Francisco's subway systems survived intact, and were the only reliable means of transportation following the quake.

BTW, the Red Line got through Tuesday's quake just fine, as it did in the Northridge quake back in '94.

"California Will Fall Into The Sea." Ah, the stuff of movies, and every East Coaster's wet dream. This has got to be the Militant's favorite one. The Militant will admit this is based on partial truth. Yes, California will "fall into the sea" one day, as the portion of the state that lies on the Pacific Plate will subduct into the ocean off of Alaska. But it will NOT happen as a single cataclysmic event, but rather a long-ass process that will take at least 50 million years. During that time, Los Angeles is expected to be twin cities with San Francisco, and though that would make the baseball rivalries rather interesting, that won't happen for another 26 million years. To put it into perspective, human beings have only been around for some 250,000 years.

Furthermore, parts of California are even below sea level so how can it even "fall into" the ocean? Pttth. Idiots. So, sorry envious, wishful-thinking East Coasters, ain't gonna happen!

Besides, and this is the most important part -- there has never been any historical precedent of an entire surface land mass "falling into the sea" in a single, cataclysmic incident. And if it ever did happen, if you think it's gonna suck for us, think of the folks on the other side of the ocean who would get the one big mother of a tsunami. Remember, far more people died and were impacted in the December 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami than the 9.0 Banda Aceh, Indonesia quake that triggered it.

So please, stop this utter ignorance. The next person that says the "Fall into the sea" thing is gonna get a sock in the face from the Militant's fist. Seriously.

Of course, the Militant's not going to complain AT ALL if there's a wave of transplants that do decide to flee after this quake, or any quake. It's just gonna make the housing market all the more affordable!

May Or May Not - A Month Of Militancy, Part 2: F/Buck The Stereotypes!

You've heard them all before. And maybe you may or may not have spouted some yourself (shame on you). But hearing all the lame cliche preprogrammed stereotypes about this great city is one of the realities of being an Angeleno. Fortunately, one of the realities of being a Militant Angeleno is knowing how to debunk them. So in this second (yes, the Militant has been behind again, but think of this as ten posts in one!) installment of May or May Not - A Month of Militancy, the Militant presents, in no particular order, the most commonly-heard Los Angeles stereotypes and his responses to them, so you can prepare yourself for delivering some serious pwnage to the next whiny transy you encounter.

Yes, nobody in Los Angeles takes transit. Every one of those people were Photoshopped in. Yeah, Uh-huh.

1. "Nobody takes transit in L.A./This is L.A., everybody drives a car." Sarcasm aside, that was an actual photo above of the Red Line at Union Station. Shouldn't it be empty or something? If nobody takes transit, then why do these people (however misguided) gripe about overcrowded buses? Yes, this is "L.A.," but even more importantly, this is the 21st century. Gas is currently around $4, and according to a recent Cars.com survey, 66% of drivers are driving less these days. Is our transit system perfect? Of course not. But it's not gonna get any better if you discourage people from taking it. The Militant supports all modes of transit, and isn't necessarily anti-car. Driving a car is meant to be fun. But it's not fun when you're stuck in traffic. So a real Militant Angeleno only drives when the conditions are present where it's less hectic.

2. "L.A. is sooooo spread out." The Militant swears that most transplants are not actually humans but robots; because they come equipped with pre-recorded voice playback systems that seemingly repeat that phrase on cue. Perhaps they come here to assimilate Angelenos into their Borg or are part of the robotic insurrection that John Connor (a native Angeleno, after all) must defeat. The large size of the region can't be argued, but why the loaded "spread out" instead of simply, "large" and "grand?" Nobody ever says the United States of America is "sooooo spread out." Nobody ever says the state of Texas is "sooooo spread out." But they are. So why does only Los Angeles get this negative distinction? Well all the Militant will have to say is that people fear the unknown and dislike what they fear. They like to point out its spreadoutedness as if it's the way Angelenos originally planned it. But in reality, it's people originally from the East Coast who designed Los Angeles the way it is.

Los Angeles started as a tiny pueblo along a river by Spanish pobladores in September 1781. For more than 100 years it remained a tiny pueblo, and even until as recently as the turn of the 20th century it was just a little 25-square mile patch centered where Downtown is today (denoted by the yellow square in the map). Who made it spread out? People like Phineas Banning from Wilmington, DE, who built a railroad from Downtown to San Pedro and created a harbor (the harbor was supposed to be much closer in Santa Monica, but Banning, in his spreadouted wisdom wanted it over 20 miles south). Or Henry Huntington from Oneonta, NY, who acquired, developed and sold land all around Southern California and built his own electric railway to connect everything together. Come to think of it, lots of people rode around in that thing back in the day, which was larger than the NYC subway system, and Southern California was waaaay less dense than it is today. Take that.

3. "L.A. will never be a bicycling city." Yes, the Militant knows what today is. But he isn't celebrating it with any special fanfare since, well nearly every day is BTWD. But seriously now, have you noticed the increased number of bikes on the road? And why are things like this and this suddenly getting attention lately? Hmmm? Even more important, Los Angeles has more or less a grid system of generally wide-enough roads, relatively flat terrain (who wants to bike in Frisco with all those hills?) and FAVORABLE WEATHER (which is the reason why most of you fools are here in the first place). Things like ignorant drivers can always be mitigated. Besides, around a hundred years ago, long before we had freeways for automobiles, they built this thing just for bicycles - the first of its kind anywhere - in what is now NELA.

4. "L.A. food sucks. You can never find a decent ______ out here!" Oh, poor you. You came "out here" to be famous/work in the industry. You came "out here" because you like the weather. But gasp! The food isn't to your liking! So the whole place sucks now! Oh the horror!
Now if that were a real whiny transy speaking to the Militant, the bitch-slapping would commence right about now. But this is only a re-enactment. Okay, so transplants come here and expect everything to be in its proper place, and in their little idyllic, myopic world, life has the best of "out here" and the best of "back home," and you never have to work hard, be concerned or worry about anything ever. Yeah. Okay. So the best pizzeria in town, despite their efforts to be authentically NY/East Coast, still does not pass muster. Well there's a scientific reason for that. Social scientists have hypothesized that food is intrinsically linked with nostalgic emotions. In Deborah Lupton's book Food, the Body and the Self, she writes:

"Commodities such as food act as "storehouses" for meaning, serving as reminders of events in one's personal past. Personal nostalgia sacralizes commonplace food items whose consumption revives memories of good times. Personal nostalgia may be defined as a kind of homesickness, a sense of loss, a rosy memory of childhood as warm and secure. It involves a bittersweet longing for home."

So there you go. A decent slice of NY pizza isn't necessarily Los Angeles' weakness, it's a mere security blankie for the thumb-sucking transplant. So in reality, it's not that Los Angeles is in need of better pizza, but that these people really just need to see a shrink.

And yes, the same gastronostalgic emotions overcome many immigrants as well. But unlike transplants, they actually get off their asses and learn how to make the damn food themselves.

5. "There's no places to eat past 10 p.m. out here." Where the f do you live? Orange County? That's just as Los Angeles as southwestern Connecticut is to NYC. Same region, not the same lifestyle. Aside from the expected, try Thai Town or Koreatown, where most establishments are open until 4 a.m. or 24 hours. And if you're too lame for ethnic food, the Militant spotted one place on Cahuenga in Hollywood opening soon (pictured right).

6. "L.A. people are self-centered, fake and superficial." If Angelenos were really that self-centered, fake and superficial, then why are there, according to volunteermatch.org, at least 2,300 (there are much more in actuality) 501(c)3 non-profit organizations in the Los Angeles area whose collective missions are to serve various issue-, geographic-, faith-, ethnic- and needs-specific communities? And to help fulfill their missions with volunteers -- you know, people who do stuff for free? Doesn't sound characteristic of a land fraught with superficiality. Maybe people who say that just need to meet people in another part of town, or learn to actually learn to actually interact with people outside of their limited social sphere (which may actually include the self-centered, fake and superficial, but is in no means representative of the populace at large). You are what you know, and if all you know are self-centered, fake and superficial people, then maybe that self-centered, fake and superficial Angeleno is looking at you right in the mirror.

7. "People from L.A. don't know how to drive in the rain." Already covered it.

8. "L.A. is a one-industry town." Um, according to this site, these are the largest industries in Los Angeles, in order of employment:

1. Direct international trade
2. Tourism
3. Technology, including aerospace
4. Motion picture/TV production
5. Business and professional services
6. Wholesale trade (excluding autos, apparel)
7. Health sciences/biomedicine

So gee, why is "our one industry" ranked #4?

9. "Everybody out here is from somewhere else." People who say that probably never read this here blog. One of the largest industries, listed above, is the health-related industry, which means we have a bunch of, you know, hospitals? And people are born in hospitals...so therefore, all these babies born in local hospitals are, you know, born in Los Angeles. Imagine that. Aside from yours truly, here's a list of other people you might have heard of who are actually from here.

10. "L.A. has no history." The Militant addresses this at length about every four posts, so no need to revisit that. But this page (select "Photo Collection" in the pulldown menu on top, and search at your heart's delight) will prove all the lackshistorytards wrong. So very wrong.

Oh there's more, and the Militant may or may not write an entire book debunking every stereotype about Los Angeles (hmmm...not a bad idea). But since the Militant's been lacking on posts lately, this'll do for now. Stay armed and stay Militant!

Raining, Blaming, Maintaining, Hydroplaning

 

For some reason there's been lots of grey clouds in the sky,
and there seems to be drops of water falling down...

Yes, it's raining again, and that means one thing: The time when our city's transplants (and transplant-biased media) love to declare that Los Angelenos cannot drive in the rain.

In addition to other things this native Militant
has to hear them beyotch and whine about (and those transies sure do love to whine!), the rain thing takes the cake (left out in the rain, in Macarther MacArthur Park, of course). First of all, it arrogantly absolves the person making the statement that they, and only they, are the only ones with teh l33t driving skillz in the entire region. Second, it's highly hypocritical on many levels, especially since many of the other drivers are transplants themselves, and there has yet to be any absolute scientific proof that any of them have never caused an accident (on another level, most transplants proudly declare that they prefer follow scientific logic and reason as opposed to faith or what others tell them, yet when it comes to matters regarding this City, they use anything but scientific logic and reason and rely on the preconceived notions fed to them by others...hmmm....). And lastly, it's ludicrously presumptive. So what, people from Los Angeles choose to drive bad in the rain? It's what we're taught in our Driver's Ed classes - to ignore all intentions of carefulness once the first drop of rain hits the road (If that's true, then NorCal people shouldn't be hatin', since they have the same Driver's Ed curriculum that we have)? Transie, please! With auto insurance costing as much as it does, do you seriously think we really want to get into accidents when it rains? And what is the crux of the problem? That we drive too fast? Or too slow? Make up your fuggin' minds!

The Militant Mythbuster says "Enough." Here's some food for thought.

• Per Capita, Stupid. Of course, there's a lot more accidents when it rains here. Because there's a lot more cars and a lot more freeways. Duh. The Militant needs to see statistical proof of a higher per capita rate of automobile accidents during precipitation before he would consider lending credence to the generalization.

• It's Not The Driver, It's The Tires. Here is one thing everybody, be they native, immigrant or transplant, totally neglects: Proper tire maintenance. You can be the best driver in history, but your l33t skillz won't mean jack if your tires have lost their tread, causing even the most adept driver to skid and lose control on wet pavement. Such is what caused an accident in late November which a local Jedi blogger experienced while riding in a landspeeder (but don't actual landspeeders, through the use of repulsors, avoid contact with the ground?). When it comes to auto maintenance, we seem to only be concerned with the mechanical well-being of the car and place things like tire rotation and replacement as a low priority. Los Angeles was once the largest tire-producing city in the country behind Akron, OH (hence the existence of places like this) - SO GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED, PEOPLE!
Lastly, and most importantly...

• Suprise! Suprise! We are not the only place in the country where people cannot drive in the rain. When the Militant visited Portland, Oregon - a Pacific Northwest city with abundant rainfall - and rode their light rail train during one rainy night, he and his fellow passengers were forced to disembark and cram into a bus. The reason? A car hit a train further down the line. You'd have thought that Portlanders would have known better - because car accidents in the rain only happen in Los Angeles, right?

The Militant will now provide a (by no means comprehensive) list of sites and blogs from around the country, via his Militant research, which declare the drivers of their respective locales (including some known for frequent precipitation) as people who "Can't drive in the rain."

Richmond, VA

Texas

Maryland

Pittsburgh

Roanoke, VA

The Bay Area

The Bay Area again

Kentucky

Austin, TX (look out, Virginia, you got competition!)

Central Alabama

South Carolina, Alaska, Canada and New York

Phoenix

The South

Hawai'i (A state which is home to the world's rainiest place)

Springfield, VA (Way to go, Virginia!)

and finally...

SEATTLE!

You get the picture. You might even hail from some of these places. Pwnage is in effect. But on an objective level, it's all a matter of perspective. You don't see the problems of other cities in front of you every day; the only comparisons we are capable of are selective recollections and detail-deficient news reports (The Militant refuses to believe there were no auto accidents during the big Katrina evacuation in '05 - but you'd never hear of it, since that would have been only a trivial part of the bigger story).

So be careful out there (duh) and again, GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED!

You're Not So Vain, You May Or May Not Think This Post Is About You

Forbes.com has recently done a report on America's Vainest Cities. Yeah, the Militant knows exactly what you're thinking, but sorry, nice try. The shock wasn't that Los Angeles only came in at number 8, nor that it wasn't even the most vainest city in California, but what the #1 vanity city in the report - which boasted six cosmetic surgeons per 100,000 people - came out to be.