Snapshot: Can You Say LAWSUIT?

The Militant sure hopes the operator of this food truck has a good legal team (Berendo St and Beverly Blvd, Koreatown).

Let's Party Like It's...1888(?!?)

The Militant was at Los Angeles International Airport's Bradley Terminal on Thursday night to drop off mama and papa Militant, who were taking a trip to their unspecified Third World country of origin. As you may or may not know, LAX is undergoing a massive remodeling/expansion project, and things have been shifting around.

But seemingly untouched so far were the airport's gift shops, which sell overpriced snacks, curios and souvenirs to travelers, and for many travelers, the last place to buy stuff in the USA before heading to their destination.

Airport gift shops are known for selling souvenirs that represent the local city or region, and the products they sell can tell a lot about that locality, so the Militant wanted to take a look, through the eyes of a visiting tourist. As expected, one can find t-shirts, caps, jackets and mugs for the Lakers, Dodgers, UCLA Bruins and USC Trojans. There are a few t-shirts, sweatshirts and jackets bearing the name "Hollywood" of course. But the one that caught the Militant's eye (and curiosity) was a hoodie in a "crush" font that bore the writing: "LOS ANGELES - California - 1888"

1888?

WTF?

Usually when you see a four-digit number associated with a city or corporation, that four-digit number is the year of founding, riiiight?

Now, most of you who read the Militant Angeleno, even if you may not be militant Angelenos yourselves, know real basic Los Angeles history, especially the year that our great city was founded. What year was that, class?

[sound of schoolchildren yelling out] 1781!!!!

That's right, class! Los Angeles was founded in 1781. September 4 to be exact. The Militant observes it every single year.

Okay, we'll get technical. Because in 1781 there was no state of California, and this wasn't even the United States of America yet. So for you smarter kids, what year was Los Angeles incorporated as an American city?

[sound of schoolchildren yelling out] 1850!!!!

Correct again, class! Los Angeles was incorporated as a city under American law on April 4, 1850.

So this leads to the big question...what's the deal with the 1888?

Well, we do know Los Angeles was not founded in 1888. It was already around for over a century, and was flying the stars and stripes on its civic buildings for 38 years. The Militant can't seem to find anything significant in Los Angeles that was established in 1888 (It obviously couldn't mean the founding date of LAX -- airplanes weren't even invented yet..duh!). He does know that the San Fernando Valley community of Chatsworth was founded in 1888, and so was the City of Orange, but none of those are printed on the shirt.

The shirt was made by the Lincoln Heights-based screenprinting and embroidery company Adin of California. Should the Militant let them know what's up (They're not very far from the Lincoln/Cypress Gold Line station)? Or is this part of a larger conspiracy to make Los Angeles appear to have less of a history by knocking off 107 years, and using a sweatshirt to "educate" tourists on our "history?" Get it right, fools!

Episode I: The Fandom Menace - The Militant's Thoughts On The Post-Championship Melee

On Sunday night, hundreds of rowdy Laker fans took to the streets, and wreaked havoc on vehicles and property near the Staples Center.

And oh yeah, the Lakers won the championship.

Meanwhile, lots of smug transplants walk around town with huge smiles on their faces, going, "I told ya so!" and texting their friends and family back home how retarded Los Angelenos really are (yet they still won't leave because they like the weather).

Okay, historical perspective folks.

The Militant was there in 1992 and saw the You-Know-What happen in front of his eyes. More recently, nine years ago, the Militant wanted to celebrate, in the most sincere and joyous way, the Lakers' defeat of the Indiana Pacers, and took the (M) Red Line to Downtown and walked to the Staples Center.

There, he saw some Laker fans honk their horns, screaming with joy. But then he was ready to join one crowd, and then heard police fire rubber bullets.

The Militant fears very little in this world, but nevertheless, he got his ass out of there ASAP.

Naturally, the Militant will point out that these sorts of sports riots happen in other cities as well; In Chicago, back in 1992, over 1,000 were arrested in riots that erupted after the Michael Jordan-era Bulls won their championship (Hmm, Phil Jackson coached that team too...maybe the Zen Master is to blame? lol...) And in 2003, for one sports team up north that some of us used to know, the fact that they didn't win the championship one year didn't stop them from going crazy destructo nucking futs in the streets.

People like to pole fun, or point shameful fingers at this City and its citizens for riotous behavior, but no one wants to talk about WHY these things happen.

Case in point: The Lakers won the NBA Championship in 1980, 1982, 1985, 1987 and 1988.

Nobody caused a riot back then.

So what is it about contemporary society that drives people to act like assholes and burn shit (the Militant normally refrains from excessive swearing, but when he's this pissed, he's wired the censor button shut)?

The Militant has three possible explanations:

1. The Media. People do stupid shit in front of cameras. Ever see a high-speed chase on TV? Don't say you don't watch those things, because you know you do. Well, drivers in those chases know the chopper following is shining the spotlight on them - in more than one way. The Militant remembered watching TV one afternoon in 1998 when a man drove his car onto the northbound 105-110 interchange, parked his car, unfurled a blanket that read, "HMOs Are Only In It For The Money" and, as TV live cameras were watching, he pulled out a gun and shot himself dead.

There is a gross disparity of the "haves" (who have a lot) and the "have nots" (who inversely have very little). For many of the "have nots," the apparent privilege of the "haves" is justified by their celebrity status. So by being in front of a camera, whether they make money from it or not, creates an instant ego trip.

The Militant blames the media on Sunday night for expecting the melee and egging on the rioteers by their presence. The helicopters and news vans were there. So the "knuckleheads" wanted to do some "Showtime" of their own. There were even news vans deployed to East Los Angeles and the Crenshaw district. Gee, wonder why? (Eventually they reported very little).

Most of the "action" in Downtown died out by 1 a..m.; the cameras had already left. Coincidence?

2. Some Real Fucked up People Out There. No, not necessarily talking about their alcohol- or drug- induced states, but the fact that a lot of the rioteers have pretty fucked up lives to begin with. The Militant doesn't justify their behavior by any means, and doesn't want you to feel sorry for them, but let's face it, a lot of them never really experienced any genuine joy in their lives. Whether it's through poverty, faulty education, or abusive upbringing, when they do feel the joy and elation brought on by a Laker championship, they're gonna celebrate the only way they know how - by destroying shit.

Point is, there's some real social problems that we need to work on as a society, and the Laker riots are an obvious symptom of that.

3. Midwestern Mentality. Los Angeles, was once part of Mexico, a country known for tis fiestas and public celebrations. So much so, that a plaza was built in what was then the middle of town for such festivities. In the next century, the influx of white rural Midwesterners transformed the old Mexican village into a re-creation of the farmlands they knew, spreading its people out (yes, Midwesterners are to blame for our sprawl), and changing forever the way the city conducted itself with regard to public space, gatherings and social conduct. In the Mexican-era Los Angeles, gringo and Indio walked side by side. In the early 1900s Indiana-By-The-Sea, Midwesterners only socialized among their own kind and shunned others out. Even before the automobile isolated people from human interaction, the wide-open spaces created by our agricultural landscape created divisions among people. From then on, people are to be feared, and not interacted with.

Flash-forward to a century later. With the influence of Pacific Rim cultures, along with those of other parts of the world, we are supposed to be a global, cosmopolitan urban center, but the Midwestern Mentality still sticks around.

So what's the Militant's point?

The Midwestern Mentality frowns on public gatherings, especially spontaneous ones. It closes our parks and beaches at 10 p.m., it makes people want to instinctively dial 9-1-1 when over a dozen people are gathered somewhere.

Many people correctly state that Sunday night's melee is "The wrong way to celebrate." Sure, but what is the right way then? Other cities have sports victory traditions where they gather around a certain public space, and possibly engage in traditional celebratory rituals. Our public space (L.A. Live, right? Wait, "public?" It's privately-owned!) is still too new. So why can't people organize spontaneous victory celebrations "the right way?"

Unfortunately, any sort of spontaneous victory celebration is either "bad," or "potentially bad."
So let's be creative, claim public space and teach each other through tradition "the right way" to celebrate, from now on.

Failing that, let's just give an ultimatum to any future would-be rioters: You riot, you loot, and there will be no victory parade for anybody.

There's another professional athletic team in town that happens to have the best record in its sport at the moment. They may or may not bring home a championship of their own come October. So let's start to get our act together right now or else we'll never learn from experience.

Emergency! Emergency! Cardiac Arrest? No, Just Cards

On Thursday night the Militant was hanging out in an unspecified location in Silver Lake with Militant Operative Blackbird when the two of them happened upon a a Los Angeles Fire Department paramedic ambulance nearby, lights flashing. The operative glanced through the side window and commented, "Is that Solitaire?" The Militant decide to take a closer look, and saw a screen with a green background, and rows of computer-generated images of playing cards moving around. So he snapped a pic with his Militant Cam and confirmed it: The EMTs play Microsoft Windows Solitaire on the ambulance's computer! (Pictured above, with inset)

The Militant wonders what the appeal is. Really, it's like the most boring computer game evar. Look, if you're gonna play a computer game on the job, why not go all the way and play Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft or something? Or why not a PS3 for the LAFD? Come on! Los Angeles just hosted the E3 convention, after all! Oh well. It may or may not be better than being on Facebook all day (as the popular social networking site is seemingly not blocked by the City's internet servers, where sites like YouTube and MySpace are).

The Militant didn't check to see if there was a person on a stretcher inside, nor did he want to know.