A 'Big F'In Day' In Los Angeles!

This may or may not be the actual Stanley Cup.

Mondays are usually full of suck, but not today! For it was only on the opposite end of this past weekend that our Los Angeles Kings beat the New York Rangers to win the 2014 Stanley Cup - not only their second franchise title, but their second in the past three years. Thus, it was time for another parade. Much like last time around, it went down Figueroa Street from 5th to Chick Hearn Court and culminated in a large indoor ceremony open to some extremely lucky Kings fans who had tickets to the event.

Click to watch the 2014 Stanley Cup Championship Parade in its entirety!
The parade itself was very brief, less than 5 minutes long, but it was a perfect day in the city -- happy people celebrating and congregating on the streets of Downtown Los Angeles, most of whom took transit here (Kings fans, since their team started playing at Staples Center in 1999, have always been great at taking transit to their games, unlike their Lakers counterparts, who still insist on filling parking lots and not representing nearly as much as the Silver & Black ones on the subway). After it was over, it was time for Kings fans and Downtown workers alike to have lunch in DTLA, it was a great day for the DTLA economy as well. Best of all, no one caused any trouble, both today and on Friday night.

It looks like the Lakers' younger brother has taken the crown (no pun intended) as Los Angeles' newest sports dynasty. With a young team and a coach who actually knows how to win titles (we're looking at you, any coach who's last name isn't Sutter), we can expect a few more of these in the near future.

Savor it, Kings fans, because it's a big f'in day.

Right On Target: The Militant Takes On City Target in DTLA

Back in the day, a Target store was considered an only-in-the-suburbs phenomenon, usually anchoring a big-ass parking lot lined by palm trees, and accompanied by a Lowe's, with an Outback Steakhouse, a Chick Fil-A and a Claim Jumper thrown in for good measure. Bonus points if it has a Hometown Buffet (though in that case, substitute the Target with a Wal-Mart).

Now, not only has the world changed, but our metropolitan area has changed. We actually have a Downtown now, and people are actually living in it (including a few of you readers). Five years ago, you Downtown Folk got a Ralphs supermarket, which was like a massively groundbreaking moment, remember? The seas parted, the earth shook and you could just walk down the street for some groceries.

The Target department store chain eventually wised up to all this and opened up a City Target store in Downtown last week. Slightly smaller, yet featuring much of the same stuff you'll find at a suburban Target (sans lawn/porch-related items).

The Militant went to take a gander at this new phenomenon, and bought some stuff too.

City Target's "City Love" section, full of Los Angeles-centric items.

Yes, it looks pretty much indistinguishable from any other Target store, except it's so damn clean and orderly (it's a new store, duh). There was a section near the entrance called "City Love" that sold Los Angeles (and not "LA" in fact) t-shirts, mugs, refrigerator magnets and other trinkets. From a Militant perspective it was...interesting, but overall a nice effort on the civic pride front. Of course, the Fontana Target won't have any "Fontana" t-shirts.

DTLA's second supermarket!

The grocery section was smaller, yet no less complete. Hey yo Downtowners, another supermarket for y'allz! Sure it's no Trader Joe's, but it's gonna have to do for now, huh?

The Militant ended up buying some cheap shades, because he was fearing he was being recognized lately.

When he was done, he got a nice, friendly, upbeat-yet-not-too-forced-and-hokey attitude from the redshirts (i.e. Target employees). Let's see how long that lasts, but they seemed aite.

One thing, though, that was not alright was...the lack of bicycle parking.  Grrrr.

Dude, this is Downtown. CicLAfreakingvia happened right outside its doors two weekends ago.

No bike parking facilities. Whatup wit dat?!

The Militant didn't need to park his bike here since he rode the Metro, and City Target is right across the street from the 7th/Metro Center (M) Red/Purple/Blue/Expo station. But he's sure others would need to. One cyclist just used a "Passenger Loading Only" sign (pictured above) as a locking post, which is technically illegal, (yet never enforced). But let this be a Militant appeal to the City Target folks: The Militant knows you're trying your best to fit in the center of the City. Being transit-accessible, that's awesomesauce, and The Militant salutes you folks for that alone, But...them bikes are here to stay, so please City Target, It's not too late to add a few bike racks right near the front entrance!

The Militant's Suggestions On How To Prevent Post-Laker Championship Rioting

It's that time of the year, peoples. The Lakers may or may not have it in the fridge with the jello jiggling and alla dat, but some stupidass muddafuggas be knockin' that fridge over and setting it ablaze, thereby confirming the notions of East Coasters, Midwsterners and Northern Californians that Angelenos are some sort of inferior life form.

On Thursday, the LAPD plans to have the entire DTLA South Park area on lockdown, preventing people without tickets from entering the vicinity (But what if you were in the area for the big E3 Expo next door?).

Well, the Militant, who knows Los Angeles like no other, has a few fail-proof suggestions for y'all to avoid harm, destruction and further damage to our collective urban reputation. Mr. Mayor, City Council, Chief Beck, AEG and Jerry Buss -- the Militant Angeleno hereby asks you take heed of the following:

1. Get Kobe Bryant to go out after the game, address everyone outside and say, "Yo, if you''re gonna riot, there won't be no Laker parade." But he gots to be dressed up like this.

2. Hand out free vuvuzelas to everyone. Sure, there will be one loud, annoying, buzzing, B-flat drone emanating from Downtown Los Angeles for an hour and a half, but let's face it, no one's gonna be smashing windows, torching trash cans, overturning cars or stealing merchandise when they have a vuvuzela in their mouth.

3. Show Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" video up on those big-ass LA Live HD video screens. Just sayin'.

4. Stage one ginormous Michael Jackson "Thriller" flash mob right there at Figueroa and Chick Hearn Ct. Come on, it's Michael Jackson.

5. Send in the food trucks. All of them. Everyone loves food trucks. Okay, well, except these guys.

6. Send in the cast of "Glee" to do some cheesy song-and-dance routine to a popular cover song. That seems to make people happy for some reason, so inevitably it will curb one's spontaneous urge to engage in violent activity. Hard to believe? Don't stop believin'!

7. Project the movie "Sex and the City 2" on the Ritz-Carlton Building. If that don't work, nothing will.

8. Have Mayor Villaraigosa show up in front of the crowd so everyone will boo him. People will spend all their energy booing, no one's gonna riot. They're gonna be doing that during the Laker Victory Celebration anyway, so we might as well let everyone get it out of their system.

9. Blank out the entire 4th quarter of the game on TV and Radio, and make everyone believe the Celtics won the game. Then at 7 a.m., make a public announcement that goes, "Just kidding. The Lakers are NBA Champs!" Everyone will be able to watch the 4th Quarter on YouTube later on anyway.

10. Have everyone there mutually agree not to riot, but send Tweets/Facebook updates/text messages telling people as if they were. Their friends aren't gonna know the difference.

Puttin' On The Ritz

The Militant once heard in a song the line, "A skyscraper hasn't reached maturity until it has the ability to shine at night."

That line couldn't have been more true driving back to the Compound on Tuesday night via the eastbound 10 when it beckoned him to come closer.

The sight was of the awesome glowing outlines of the 54-story Ritz-Carlton Hotel building (heretofore referred to by the Militant as "The Ritz" (no not that one, nor that one either), now the 10th tallest building in Los Angeles, and the tallest non-office building in town.

As the Militant swept through the curving interchange from the 10 east to the 110 north, the glowing white LED outlines of each of the building's four curving corners seemed to vary in luminosity depending on the viewer's position, and at times, one corner would "vanish" from a certain angle. Furthermore, because of an optical illusion from the building's glass skin, when three lighted corners are visible, the "hidden" fourth corner seems to appear faintly in its expected position, as if the building were a transparent figure.

Like whoa (The Militant learned, upon closer inspection that the lighting effect is achieved through strategically-angled LED lights and a parallel column outfitted with reflectors).

The Militant, admittedly a building and wannabe architecture geek of sorts, hasn't been this excited over the first lighting of a building in Downtown Los Angeles since the 73-story Library Tower (now the USBank Tower) made its debut nocturnal illumination on the night of July 3, 1989 (yes, the Militant remembers these sorts of things).

It's no wonder since The Ritz is the first skyscraper to be built in Los Angeles in nearly two decades, also representing not just a continuing southward shift of the Downtown skyline along the Figueroa Corridor, but signifying the shift from highrise commercial office space to residential (the upper half of the tower are residential condos) and hotel use. In fact, it's not just one hotel but two: From the fourth floor to the 21st, the building houses 879 rooms of the newly-opened J.W. Marriott Los Angeles LA LIVE (a.k.a. the expensive hotel). From floors 22 to 26, it's 123 rooms of The Ritz-Carlton Los Angeles (a.k.a. the really expensive hotel), with a combined 1,001 hotel rooms.

For those of you who have been following the nearby area for the past 20 years, the hotel is a really big deal with regard to the nearby Los Angeles Convention Center. Unlike its nearby competitors in Anaheim (popular with music geeks) and San Diego (popular with comic book geeks), the Convention Center, last undergone a major expansion in 1993, has long lacked adequate hotel facilities to not only host convention guests but to provide supplementary convention space. The new Ritz/Marriott tag team changes the game at long last.

For us locals, the hotels may or may not mean much to you, unless you plan to have your wedding reception/high school reunion/overtly lavish quinceañera booked there. But it sure looks purty. Designed by the architectural firm Gensler, The Ritz effectively widens the skyline and adds an extra 21st-century flair to our late-'80s/early '90s style-dominated Downtown towers. And even during the day, the building's glass skin panels form a complex pattern corresponding to the various uses of the building's parts (Gensler even employed a computer-generated design to achieve this).

Most of all (and the Militant has heard all the different sorts of criticisms lobbied at LA LIVE), you can't deny that the synergy of the hotel, the new Regal Cinemas LA Live Stadium 14, the Nokia Theatre, The Staples Center and the amenities of LA LIVE itself, sort of signal the fact that Something Big Is Happening Downtown, even if it's not exactly the organic street-fronting facades us new urbanism types salivate over. But who's to say that the surrounding streets can't be that, and they already are. Getting off at the 9th Street exit from the 110 north already almost feels like exiting the 80 or the 101 in Downtown S.F. It's part of the energy that Downtown needs. It's not everything of course, but it's all interconnected. It's starting to happen folks.

Ea-gle, Ea-gle, ROCK YOU!

Though the Militant hasn't made much good on his New Year's Resolutions to increase his output lately, the recent phenomenon is mainly attributed to the fact that lately he hasn't strayed much from The Militant Compound, and when he does, it's in a part of town already covered in This Here Blog.

The Militant is no stranger to the venerable Northeast Los Angeles community of Eagle Rock, but he's noticed he hasn't yet given the place the props it deserves, so passing by the vicinity on Thursday, he decided to give some hot Militant Love on the MA Blog.

The community may be well known for its pizza institution, hipsters or the one-time residence of the President of the United States, but by far it's known for its eponymous geological feature: The Eagle Rock.

The 12 million year-old conglomerate rock formation stands like a sentry just north of the 134, a familiar sight for this Militant ever since his childhood, whenever the Militant's family trips took him to the Rose Parade or to relatives' houses in the San Gabriel Valley.

But something always bugged him about The Rock (no, not that one). It was the description of the geological feature: that the rock formation resembles "an eagle in flight."

Flight? WHUT? He don't see no wings! It's obviously an EAGLE HEAD. When the Militant's parents drove Lil' Mil down the 134 back in the day, they'd tell him, "Look at the Eagle Rock!" and Lil' Mil would say, "Yeah! I see the head of an eagle!" THE HEAD OF A FREAKING EAGLE! Yet no book, publication or website ever acknowledged this. Are they crazy or what? AN EAGLE HEAD!

Lookie:
What are these historians? Blind? See the beak? See the eye? IT'S AN EAGLE HEAD.

If they can't see it, and you can't see it, then - surprise - the Militant is the first Los Angeles writer/historian to acknowledge it as A FREAKING EAGLE HEAD.

Anyway, the Militant decided to take a closer look at the thing - and was pleasantly surprised. Most people simply pass this thing on the freeway at 65 miles an hour and never give it any more thought.

But at the foot of the rock - right at the very northernmost reach of Figueroa Street - is a neato little public park, with benches and all, decorated with native flora (pictured left). There's also a narrow, 1-mile hiking path called the Eagle Rock Canyon Trail, which the Militant walked for a few yards, ultimately deciding to cover this hike in a future blog post (don't wanna put all his eagle eggs in one basket!).

It turns out the little park and the trail are relatively new, just installed nearly two years ago by The Collaborative Eagle Rock Beautiful. Feel free to visit the park and walk the trail (treaded shoes/boots recommended) and you just might see native tobacco plants used by the Tongva Indian tribe and the caves used as a hideout by desperados ages ago.

He also discovered one lucky Eagle Rock resident lives right below the rock - there's a single-story house right at the base. Imagine looking up at that every morning (surely the occupant must take the whole thing for granted by now...).

The Militant spent the rest of the day with nearby operatives who weren't aware of the history, which wasn't very fun. But the Militant can change all that one day by taking them on a little hike...

Your Fear Of Celebration?

The Militant feels compelled to make this one extra post tonight because he's been hearing this from a lot of folks:

"I'm gonna pass on the Laker parade tomorrow. Don't want to deal with the knuckleheads."

"I'm just gonna watch in the safety of my own home. Too many knuckleheads tomorrow."

"The Coliseum!? That's the worst part of town. F--- that! Stupid idea to have the celebration there. I never go to that side of town!"

What you have here folks, is the "F" word: FEAR.

Look, the Militant distinctly remembers going to Staples Center after the Lakers won the 2000 NBA Finals, and got out of there quick because of what went down (which apparently was much worse than what we saw on Sunday, but thanks to people's short-term memories, no one knows that). More people were arrested and more vehicles were destroyed on June 19, 2000 than on June 14, 2009.

That also didn't stop the Militant from attending the Laker parade a few days later, which went off without a hitch, and save for a handful of arrests, it was a peaceful and jubilant celebration for a team that brought back the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy to Los Angeles after 12 long years.

For those of you who didn't understand what the Militant said in the past two paragraphs, the Militant will break it down in terms that you can comprehend:

2009 Laker Riot: BAD!
2000 Laker Riot: MORE BAD!
2000 Laker Parade: NO RIOT! STILL GOOD!

The Militant hopes you have the mental capacity to digest such complex axioms.

If you're not going to the Laker Parade tomorrow because you can't take the day off, no problem! But for those of you who are afraid of "the knuckleheads," then you're part of the problem! Basically you're letting them take over the event, much like people's attitudes towards neighborhoods, parks, and urban nightlife. If you truly are a Laker Fan, then don't let these punks take over YOUR event. This is YOUR event! Don't let them represent YOUR team! Take ownership, have no fear (As a certain Jedi Master once verbalized, "Fear is the path to the Dark Side...") and STAY MILITANT!

The Militant WILL be at the Laker celebration tomorrow at the Coliseum! (Remember to get there Militant Style: Ride your bikes or take the Metro Bus, folks!)

The Militant will leave you with this awesome Laker, the hero of Game 4, known for his class as well as his clutch, speaking from his purple and gold heart:

L.A. Live, Wired For 'Iron Man 2'

The Militant realizes full well that today is Earth Day, and while everyone is expecting an ecologically-themed post, the Militant asks, rhetorically, "Why only for today?" Earth Day should be every day. He recycles, rides his bike and hops on the train pretty much every day anyway, so it should be no big deal...

The Militant was walking down Figueroa today with an unspecified relative to visit L.A. Live when all of a sudden a U.F.O. (Unspecified Flying Object) shoots across Fig.

Okay, relax, the space aliens weren't turning Earth Day into Independence Day or anything. The object was being suspended by a cable that stretched from the roof of the Holiday Inn all the way to the Nokia Theatre. Whatever could this be?

Upon closer inspection, the Militant and his unspecified relative approach L.A. Live's "canyon" walkway and witness a crew busy putting up scaffolding, an archway and spotlights. What is up? Some red carpet event?

After doing some intense Militant research (okay, so the Militant just went up and asked), the activity was the construction of a movie set, and the floating object was a test weight, made up mostly of sandbags, in lieu of a camera, which would swoop down L.A. Live's canyon to capture
the scene.

"So what's the movie called?" The Militant asked.

"Rasputin," said the crewmember. "Or...Iron Man 2."

Further Militant research turns up nothing for a movie in production named "Rasputin" but there is confirmation that the production codename for Iron Man 2 is indeed "Rasputin."

So all you Tony Stark fanboys and fangirls, L.A. Live is the place to be tonight!