Facebook Vs. The Militant

So the Militant logs into his Facebook page and gets this:
"Account Disabled."

WTF?

So he logged in again, but got the same results:

"Account Disabled."

There was a link that offered an explanation, so he clicked on that.

It read:

Why was my account disabled?
Your account was disabled because the name it was registered under was fake. We do not allow users to register with fake names, to impersonate any person or entity, or to falsely state or otherwise misrepresent themselves or their affiliations. In addition, Facebook accounts are intended for use by single individuals, so groups, clubs, businesses, or other types of organizations are not permitted to maintain accounts.

Fake?

FAKE?!

Excuse the Militant, but the Militant Angeleno is as real as it gets. After doing some research, the Militant discovers that Facebook.com is based in Palo Alto, CA - in the Bay Area - and that it was founded in Cambridge, MA.

Which only means one thing:

Facebook hates Angelenos.

The Militant, who proudly embodies everything Los Angeles, is viewed by people in the Bay Area and the East Coast as "fake." Because they unfairly stereotype everything in Los Angeles as "fake." So for them, Los Angeles is a "fake" place, and surely someone who represents Los Angeles to such militant extremes has got to be "super fake."

This made the Militant fume with fury.

He has never felt so insulted in his life.

Then again, as wrong as those Bay Area and East Coast haters think about this City, it must be an honor though to be considered a true representative of Los Angeles, despite their disingenuous notions.

Not a good week for the Militant as far as the Internet. First YouTurd refuses to accept the Militant's recent Gold Line Opening Day Vlogstyle Episode, now Facebook denies the Militant entry because it believe all Angelenos are fake. Just a warning to all you other Angelenos out there, if you seem to have problems with Facebook.

So a big F-You to F-Book!

When the Hero Takes a Fall

Bicycle Safety Lesson #313: When a large insect lands on your arm, pull over and stop before attempting to flick it off.

Being a Militant Angeleno has its advantages -- you get to see the city the way other's don't (or can't). A Militant hardly gets stuck in traffic, since a militant uses alternate methods of transportation, and even when a militant is driving, a militant knows all the shortcuts.

But being a Militant definitely has its risks. Last night while the Militant was riding solo along Sunset Blvd in Silver_Lake on the well-marked bike lane, the Militant suddenly noticed that a large insect landed on his left forearm. Having been exposed to jungle combat, the Militant is usually not squeamish about bugs, but this one was HUGE - it was either a moth, a large cricket or some yet-unknown species of insect which employs biting/blood sucking/stinging as a defense mechanism. The Militant instantly though of the latter.

So he shaked off his left arm, but to no avail. The insect was still there, perhaps feeling the resistance, was ready to bite or insert its sharp proboscis or stinging mechanism into the Militant's epidermis. Imagining that for a split second, the Militant, in a most knee-jerk reaction, took his right hand off of the handlebar and slapped his left forearm and...

[Cue Matrix-like "bullet time" slo-mo visual effect and droning breakbeat music score]

The handlebars of the Militant's bicycle turned off-course, then the forces of the Earth's gravity sent the Militant towards the ground, as his bicycle parted ways with his body, temporarily becoming airborne from the kinetic energy imparted by the separating motion. The Militant's bicycle landed on the hard Sunset Blvd asphalt, as did the Militant, who used his palms to break his fall as he landed face down onto the street.

Ouch.

Fortunately, there was no crunching sound, nor thud, nor screaming in excruciating pain, but he did feel the breaking and swelling of his blood vessels in his right leg, which bared a raw round scrape, and in his top lip, which was both bleeding slightly and at the same time was swollen from the inside due to the force of the Militant's front teeth being forced against it. And yes, the Militant was wearing his helmet.

He always does.

Even in the shower and when he goes to sleep.

Just kidding.

[End Matrix-like "bullet time" slo-mo visual effect and fade droning breakbeat music score]

The Militant dabbed his bleeding lip with a tissue and doused it with his water bottle, while passing by the Silverlake [sic] hipsters spooning their powdered-flavor base Pazzo Gelato on the sidewalk, too cool to care about another human being's welfare to even utter a default, "Dude, you alright?" (but what else does the Militant expect). This militant warrior was wounded, but still strong enough to make it back to the compound to rest and prepare himself for the onset of even more aches which would come his way come morning.

And does it ache. The Militant's right arm doesn't seem to straighten out normally due to the inflamation of his joints. He might have to sit out this Friday night's Midnight Ridazz ride to the Santa Monica Pier as he's placed on the 15-day DL. Typing is definitely not as comfortable.

Lest one of you readers read this and go, "ZOMG! Biking is so dangerous! I better not bike and stick to driving!" (Shyeah, right, like no one has ever been in a car accident...). But the Militant has been able to avoid a bike accident in 20 years (when he had a similar stupid accident (didn't involve a bug though) but back then he did not wear a helmet, which resulted in a minor brain hemorrhage and a week's stay in the hospital).

The Militant is keenly safe and aware and unlike some Midnight Ridazz kooks, he prefers not to ride inebriated (oh they'll love that in Beverly Hills). So the only reason why this happened?

It's them again.

The bug of unknown origin was most likely a mechanical man-made device or holograph designed specifically to distract me from the road, resulting in this accident, thus keeping the Militant off his bicycle to perform his militant activities. Yes, they would rather see the Miitant living in the monotonous suburban sprawl of The Far East, driving 25 minutes from his cookie-cutter Lennar-manufactured home just to visit the nearest Chick-Fil-A drivethru.

And because of the Militant's reputation, his enemies, no doubt connected to clandestine organizations run by the hegemonic East Coast media plotted their "Operation Militant Spill" on the streets of Silver_Lake, in front of an audience of hipsters, who were paid by these powers that be to partake in some free entertainment for their pleasure (because premeditated bicycle accidents are the new performance art). But the Militant is flattered that he is enough of a threat to his enemies that he was worth their time to try to stop. But they can't stop this Militant, oh no.

The Militant will ride again. And don't you damn forget it.

A Deflated Change in Plans

The Militant has plans. Future plans. Urban plans. Master plans. The Death Star Plans. Plans for his Militant revolution. A Man A Plan A Canal Panama Plans. One can say the Militant is a planning freak (the Militant is not much of a party planner though). But as life runs its course, plans have to change.

Wow, that all sounds real heavy. No the Militant isn't hanging up his combat boots (the Militant has only just begun!), but he had to change some minor plans today.

It all started after the Militant had a nice hour-long talk with the head of a local non-profit arts group in his community, having a nice chat about the community, and sharing with each other our own plans (see? There you go!) for it. The Militant had to ride on over to the AWV for an appointment. When it was done, after, snapping pics of the River (pictured above), the Militant had planned to bike on over to Little Tokyo via Frogtown, Lincoln Heights and Chinatown to do more research for Part 3 of his Ethnic Iced Dessert Quest, and maybe check out a little bi-monthly talent show there as well.

Well something happened after the Militant crossed the bridge over the Los Angeles River where Riverside Drive suddenly becomes Figueroa: The Militant's rear bicycle wheel felt suddenly uneven and he dismounted immediately. There it was.

A flat.

Not just a flat, a "Your inner tube has less air than the vacuum of space and your rear tire is literally falling off the wheel" kind of flat. And that can only mean one thing:

Sabotage.

The Militant knows he is being under attack. The East Coast media powers are out to stop him, at all costs, and have sent their expatriate minions "out here" to stop the Militant. So they scored a microscopic victory against me by finding a way to deflate my rear tire, perhaps via the use of some laser device. There was absolutely no evidence of debris or sharp objects stuck in my tire, as there normally is when the Militant hits a flat (as Will Campbell knows, the Militant is phobic of riding on the Los Angeles River Bike Path for fear of getting puncture weeds stuck in his tires). The Militant was lucky, as this happened just after he had crossed the Los Angeles River, which meant that he had entered The Real Eastside, and that he knows that those who want to stop the Militant never venture into The Real Eastside, so that is probably what saved his front tire from destruction.

The Militant called roadside assistance at around 6:30 p.m., who informed him there was a bicycle shop further north on Figueroa by York in the Highland Park/Eagle Rock/Garvanza area but the Militant didn't want to take the chance of arriving at a place that was closed for the day. So he lifted the rear wheel off the ground and manually walked his wounded chariot a few blocks where the (M) Gold Line Avenue 26 station (pictured left) stood. Pure gold. The Militant rode the train to Union Station where he transfered to the (M) Red Line and on to the Vermont/Beverly Station. While on the train, the badly-flattened tire was an easy conversation starter from fellow passengers, though the Militant had his eyes fixes on a real hot looking Angelena sitting in the middle of the subway car (Damn, she was hot...). After alighting the train and hopping onto the elevator, a quiet, unassuming , but still cute Angelena asked him questions about his bike and bicycles in general. The conversation continued on the mezzanine level and on the second elevator to the street. The Militant didn't hesitate to give her his contact info, you know, just in case, she had more questions about bikes. She may or may not call him back, but hey...the interesting things that can happen outside the confines of a car.

After schlepping his bike on the sleek articulated 204 bus, he brought it to his mechanic where he not only replaced the tube, but got new road wheels, also bumping unexpectedly into a few of his operatives, of all people.

You know the city well enough, and it becomes a small town.

So changing one's plans isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can pave the way for good or better things. The only thing that really matter in the end is...that the Militant still came away with something to wrote for his blog entry for the day.

The Militant Avoids Trap!

The Militant, ever low-key, has taken pleasure in anonymously enjoying, and writing about, this city -- incognito, but on Saturday night there was a very real, potentially serious threat to his anonymity.

It all started last week when a local artist emailed the Militant a press release of an art event he and a partner were staging in Echo Park on Saturday. Neither the actual concept nor the location was exactly clear, but from what the Militant understood, there would be an oversized cardboard box on display in the park, disposable cameras would be handed out and visitors would interactively partake in the display, and musical entertainment in the form of a DJ and live band would be provided. Sounded interesting, and the Militant wanted to support some local non-gentrohipster artists in doing something unique not only in the community, but for the community, and coming away with something nice and unique to write about. But when the Militant arrived, he saw nothing. No box, or anything even related to cardboard. There was a family birthday party on the picnic tables of the park and locals taking a stroll around the lake (by the way, two weeks after the Lotus Festival, still no progress on the growth of the lotus bed). The Militant even scoured all corners of the park but still found nothing.

The Militant, who relies on his instincts, suddenly sensed a moment of Ackbarian warning and came to the following conclusion: this art event was a staged trap organized by a larger conspiratorial force to get the Militant to a public event and somehow uncover his identity (assumingly through kidnapping, extortion, torture or all of the above). There was probably some van parked on the street with a mobile control center inside, monitoring the Militant's every move with the aid of piezo-electric bugs and night-vision cameras. But the Militant was able to rapidly flee the scene, unharmed, before they even had a chance to capture me.

The Militant will, from now on, have to be even more cautious and vigilant when he goes out in public. Short of wearing masks (the Militant will under no circumstances submit to cosmetic surgery, just in case you were wondering...I mean, that's just sooo un-Militant), perhaps he should double the number of operative decoys in his militia who he assigns to attend public events. Either way, whoever you are, you couldn't catch me this time, fools!!! =P

OMG, THE MILITANT TOUCHED AN iPHONE TODAY!
While visiting Farmer's Market to conduct Militant research on his Iced Dessert report, he passed by The Apple Store at The Grove and saw a table full of people, all clamoring to get their dirtly little hands on the iPhone. The Militant was able to hold one himself (pictured, left - no the Militant doesn't have some bizzare skin condition, he just pixelated his fingers so that whoever is trying to get him cannot make out the Militant's fingerprints from the picture). The instant access of GoogleMaps and YouTube were impressive, though a little confusing in terms of zooming on the former, but the Militant also noticed that one can easily wear out their fingers by constantly touching and sliding on the iPhone's touchscreen, not to mention getting one's sweat and oils all over it. And as an iPod user, this thing is gonna get scratched, you just know it. Is the iPhone cool? Hellyeah. Is the iPhone awesome? Hellyeah. Does the Militant need one? Hellno. At least the Militant won't get iPhowned, like one Dallas woman did.

If the 'Pod is any indication, the Militant believes that five years from now the iPhone (not to mention the inevitable iPhone Mini and iPhone Nano) will be affordable enough that they'll be just as ubiquitous as iPods today.

Final Thoughts - The Grove
Much has been talked about the artificial urban environment of The Grove, as well as Universal Citywalk and perhaps LA Live! - the Militant saw throngs of people either shopping, eating, heading to the movies or just chilling on a Saturday afternoon, the kind of thing you'd want your tourist relatives to see. The Militant does believe though that this might all just be a dress rehearsal for the real deal we've yet to see in the future Los Angeles. Remember, just 20 years ago we were confined to indoor malls. Things happen quickly here. Perhaps places like Grand Avenue Park and the Militant's favorite project, the Hollywood Freeway Central Park will prove our worth in the years to come.