Foggy New Year!

The Militant began 2009 by attending not one, but two New Year's celebrations, in unspecified parts of the City. En route from the first celebration to the second one, he did notice that it was awfully foggy out there. So foggy, he had to turn on his foglamps. Pictured left was his first photo of the year, taken while driving up Arlington Avenue on his new Militant Phone, which was acquired recently.

Of course, there's a new law on the books, effective today, that prohibits texting while driving, but the Militant wasn't texting, just taking a picture (and has the picture to prove it, duh...). As far as he knows, there's no law against taking pictures while driving. But he need not worry, since the fog was so damn thick that no law enforcement office could even see what any other driver was doing.

There's a lot in 2009 that the Militant looks forward to, so it's gonna be a great year folks. At least this Militant thinks so. What do you most look forward to in this City this year? Feel free to post it in the Comments section.

The Militant's Little Car Accident

Saturday night turned out to be an unusual night for the Militant. After receiving a call from an operative who wanted to go hang out and check out a DJ at a venue in a nearby suburban city, the Militant offered to drive over to the operative's Hollywood pad, pick him up and carpool over.

As most Hollywood residents know, street parking is tight and the Militant had no choice but to sit on a curb, phoning the operative to alert him he was waiting outside.

Just then, a cargo van in front of him (most likely used to transport equipment for his indie band) started to back up and before the Militant can engage in reverse...

...BANG!

The Militant instantly got out right away to find a tennis ball-sized gash in the front end of his car (pictured above, show in black and white in order to conceal the actual color of the Militant's auto). Turns out the van's rear trailer hitch punctured through the front of the Militant's car.

A young man soon came out of the van, equally alarmed.

Call it karma, call it irony, call it an irresistible reason to blog, but...the driver of the other car was...

...a hipster.

"Sorry, man, I didn't see you," he said, as he flicked back his shaggy, dyed black hair.

The hipster dude was actually rather considerate and instantly volunteered to give the Militant his insurance and contact information, sans any sort of 'tude. The Militant was too busy laughing inside about the situation to actually get pissed at him.

A pair of women who rode in the van with him also came out and commenced snapping the picture of the damage with their digital cameras. One of them said, "You know, this happens a lot out here."

"Yes," the Militant thought. "Out here. This only happens out here. Because where you're from, you're more liable to get hit by a cow."

But hey, it could have been worse, no one got hurt, no one sped off or denied responsibility, and the damage is easily repairable. It's all up to the insurance companies to deal with.

What did suck was, the operative never called back. After seeing several cars zip by and wanting to avoid another mishap, the Militant left a final message to the operative telling him that he was headed back to the compound, and to call him back. Halfway back to the compound, the Militant got a text message from the flaky operative, saying that it was getting late (it was only 11:30...) and that he opted to stay home.

Some people. All that trouble for nothing. You can safely assume that the hipster driver guy was not the main object of the Militant's disdain that night.

May Or May Not - A Month Of Militancy, Part 3: Drive Like The Militant!

Throughout the Militant Angeleno's 11-month blog journey, he's put an extremely disproportionate amount of subject matter on riding his bicycle, leading many, especially those in the bike community, to assume he's another "bike blogger." Well, kinda sorta. Again, the Militant reiterates that he is not necessarily pro-bike or anti-car, he uses and celebrates all modes of transport (though he's yet to take to horseback, maybe the LA Cowboy can led some pointers). So this time around, the Militant will share with you his driving tips and techniques.

1. Drive Less - Well duh. It's the latest craze sweeping the nation! So what's the point of driving less when you own a car? Simple economics. You'll spend less money on gas and maintenance (due to less wear-and tear on your car both inside and out). Driving less also decreases the likelihood of you getting in an accident which in turn potentially lowers your insurance costs. And when you do drive, and hopefully not when everyone else is, your driving experience will be less chore and more of the recreational pleasure it was originally meant to be. Be like the Militant and take advantage of every mode of transportation available to you: walking, bicycle, bus, train, razor scooter, rollerblade, skateboard, Segway, pogo stick, whatever. Map out where you live and set a radius on how far you should walk, or take transit or use other modes. Beyond that distance, only then would driving would be allowed. Since the Militant adopted this system, he now only fills his tank every 2-3 weeks.

2. Drive Only During Longer Trips - The Militant has a 10-mile rule: The car, as much as possible, is to be used only for trips exceeding 10 miles. The internal combustion engine is most effective when going for long, uninterrupted trips, and not when you constantly make cold stops and starts, which is why you use up way more gas when making 285 miles of trips around town than heading straight to Vegas (but not on a Friday evening when the 15 is just as congested).

3. Cheap Gas? It May Not Or May Be Worth It - That $2.49 gas out in La Freaking Habra that you heard about on KFWB sounds awfully tempting. But is the drive from Hollywood really worth it? You're gonna waste more gas getting there than recouping your savings. The Militant advises you to fuel up at the cheapest gas station within a 2-mile radius of your home or workplace, as you're really not gonna save anything in the end.

4. Zen and The Art of Road Rage - When someone waves to you on the road with 1/5th of their hand, IGNORE THEM! They do that to illicit a reaction from you, usually to get you just as pissed off as they are. So even if you find yourself getting flipped off, avoid eye contact, and even pretend you never saw them. Seriously. Because you don't know them, they don't know you, and it's probably ideal to keep the relationship that way. Because if this escalates into a honking match to a shouting match to "I'm pulling over and getting out of my car and kicking your ass" match or even an accident, you really don't wanna have to see that person again, especially in a courtroom setting. Ignoring someone is worse than openly expressing your dislike towards them -- you are refusing to acknowledge their existence, hence not being worth your while, which makes all their effort into displeasing you a total waste of time. Ignoring people WORKS. After all, the mainstream media does it to non-black minorities all the time.

5. DE-FENSE! (clap, clap) DE-FENSE! (clap, clap) DE-FENSE! (clap, clap) - ALWAYS DRIVE DEFENSIVELY and check your ego at the door. If some cartard insists on getting the right-of-way even though they aren't legally entitled to it. Stop or get out of their way. Again, you really don't want to get to know this person (see above). Treat those kinds of drivers like inanimate objects. If a boulder rolls down on the road in front of you, are you gonna honk your horn at it, roll down your window and drop verbal f-bombs at it and drive towards it, hoping it'll keep rolling out of your way? It's a f-ing boulder. You notice it, react and swerve out of its way, and continue on with your day. Don't let any fools on the road bring down your day.

6. There Is A Season, Turn, Turn, Turn Signals - Once you've decided you want to change lanes, use them. You'll get better value out of your car. After all, your car was built with the assumption that you'd actually use it.

7. Combine Those Trips - If you live in Echo Park, and suddenly decided you want to go to Fry's in Burbank on a Friday night to pick up that limit-one-per-customer widescreen 24" Samsung LED monitor you've been pining for, and then have to visit your sister in North Hollywood on Saturday, um...why not move one activity over and do both on the same trip? You'll save on time, money, hassle and gas. Zipping back and forth around town not only wastes the aforementioned time and gas, but then you're just another fool taking up needless space on the road.

8. Very Be Carpool - It's okay to drive if every seat in your car is full, because you're using your vehicle to its designed capacity. Driving solo in a minivan or a gas-guzzling SUV? Stupid. If you live in Koreatown and your friend in Irvine is having a party at the Dave & Busters out there, and your other friends in North Hollywood, Silver_Lake and Boyle Heights are going to the same party...then you should all get together, meet at one of your houses and roll down together. Again, saves money, saves gas and takes cars off the damn road.

9. American Idle - The Militant did get to carpool with a nearby operative recently on a day trip to San Diego. The Militant suggested the fastest way to SD, as he always does, was to get on the 60 East and take the 15 south - the destination was near the 15 and the 8 in SD anyway. He decided not to, citing that it's gonna use up more gas to get out there, so the operative opted to take the 5 straight down. On a Saturday. So there we were, hitting Los Angeles traffic, hitting the Commerce-to-Cerritos traffic, hitting south Orange County traffic, hitting North SD County traffic. The trip took 3 1/2 hours (Los Angeles to SD via the 15 takes 2 - 2 1/2 hours guaranteed). Moral to the story, you're gonna waste more gas idling in traffic than taking a longer, but faster route.

10. Know Thy Shortcuts! - The Militant's system of local shortcuts, like his identity, is a closely-guarded secret, so he ain't gonna give them away. But if you read this entry, you could easily find The Road Less Traveled for your commutes and find your away around town in a more efficient manner. Most fools stuck on the freeways don't really know this City very well, and only stick to the route familiar to them. So any Militant driver knows that the best way between Downtown and the Valley during Friday evening rush hour is to take the [classified information] to the [classified information], make a left at [classified information] and take [classified information] all the way into Burbank.

The Tannenbaum In Tinseltown - A Militant's Christmas Story

Gather around, kids, the Militant has a Christmas story!

Once upon a time, one mid-December day in the City of the Angels, the Militant Angeleno walked out onto his rain-dampened driveway and fretted, "Five days until Christmas, and there is still no tree in the compound. What ever shall a Militant do?"

So the Militant set out on that Thursday evening looking for a nice local Christmas tree lot, as he wanted to save on carriage fuel, not contribute to carriage traffic and support his neighborhood's economy in his tree-shopping trek.

But alas, all of the lots he was accustomed to in years past were no more! They had all been developed and there was no more space for seasonal tree lots. So the Militant, though wanting to buy local, was forced to drive a little farther.

He eventually hit the town of Glen Dale and saw a Christmas tree lot in front of Ye Home Despot on St. Ferdinand's road, but. to his dismay, the fence was closed - there were no more trees!

Chagrined, he drove back on St. Ferdinand's Road and headed the opposite direction, eventually finding himself in the Park of Glassell, still with no tree lots in sight. Then he arrived in the land of Silver's Lake, where he found a string of yuletide beacons announcing the presence of a tree lot!

This one was run by the Delancey Street Foundation, and the proceeds of the tree sales would go to helping out those in need, what a great gesture for the Season. The Militant found a stately Douglas Fir, standing about six and a half feet high. He looked at the price tag: "$71."

"Seventy-One silver coins?!?!?" the Militant thought, stunned. "Only the wealthy can afford to support such a cause! The Militant does not hesitate to help the needy, but the Militant is needy himself!"

He left the land of Silver's Lake and headed west, arriving at The Marketplace of Jonathan, located at the foot of Olive Hill upon which stood the House of Hollyhock. The Marketplace of Jonathan also had a small lot of trees, which the Militant perused. But the selection was rather paltry, and many a tree stood at an awkward angle. "Not good enough!" said the Militant.

So he once again hopped into his horseless carriage and headed west along the Boulevard of the Setting Sun, where he knew of another location of Ye Home Despot which might yield some yuletide arbor.

When what do his wondering eyes did appear, right on the corner of Boulevard of the Setting Sun and St. Andrew's Place, across the street from Ye Home Despot, in a plaza bearing a Ranch marketplace, the Three Latin Brothers' haberdashery and the Consumer Value Stores apothecary - was a considerably-sized tree lot! (pictured right) And one with an abundant selection, of various varieties and heights, all of seemingly good quality!

The Militant turned and saw a beautiful bright-green Noble Fir, standing stately in the lot. The Militant fell in tree love, he almost wanted to hug it. She was perfect! The Militant asked the lot's merchant how much silver coins the tree would cost him.

"Fifty silver coins...and these are forty-five..."

But the Militant asked the merchant what warranted the five-silver-coin difference between the trees, as they were of equivalent height. The merchant consulted one of his superiors, who explained that all of them in that row cost forty-five silver coins each.

"The Militant will take it!" he told the merchant, pointing to the love-at-first-sight Noble Fir beauty he first laid his eyes upon.

The Militant laid a tarpaulin atop his carriage and the merchant hoisted and secured the tree to the vehicle. After the monetary transaction, the Militant carefully drove his new acquisition home, to be festooned with ornaments in time for the Holidays.

Yes, the Militant bought his tannenbaum in the town of tinsel, which was but a short distance from his compound. But when all was said and done, he had traversed some 20 miles in his quest for this one tree.

The moral of the story: Get to know one's vicinity - even if you already think you do. It may just save you the inconvenience.

The End.

Raining, Blaming, Maintaining, Hydroplaning

 

For some reason there's been lots of grey clouds in the sky,
and there seems to be drops of water falling down...

Yes, it's raining again, and that means one thing: The time when our city's transplants (and transplant-biased media) love to declare that Los Angelenos cannot drive in the rain.

In addition to other things this native Militant
has to hear them beyotch and whine about (and those transies sure do love to whine!), the rain thing takes the cake (left out in the rain, in Macarther MacArthur Park, of course). First of all, it arrogantly absolves the person making the statement that they, and only they, are the only ones with teh l33t driving skillz in the entire region. Second, it's highly hypocritical on many levels, especially since many of the other drivers are transplants themselves, and there has yet to be any absolute scientific proof that any of them have never caused an accident (on another level, most transplants proudly declare that they prefer follow scientific logic and reason as opposed to faith or what others tell them, yet when it comes to matters regarding this City, they use anything but scientific logic and reason and rely on the preconceived notions fed to them by others...hmmm....). And lastly, it's ludicrously presumptive. So what, people from Los Angeles choose to drive bad in the rain? It's what we're taught in our Driver's Ed classes - to ignore all intentions of carefulness once the first drop of rain hits the road (If that's true, then NorCal people shouldn't be hatin', since they have the same Driver's Ed curriculum that we have)? Transie, please! With auto insurance costing as much as it does, do you seriously think we really want to get into accidents when it rains? And what is the crux of the problem? That we drive too fast? Or too slow? Make up your fuggin' minds!

The Militant Mythbuster says "Enough." Here's some food for thought.

• Per Capita, Stupid. Of course, there's a lot more accidents when it rains here. Because there's a lot more cars and a lot more freeways. Duh. The Militant needs to see statistical proof of a higher per capita rate of automobile accidents during precipitation before he would consider lending credence to the generalization.

• It's Not The Driver, It's The Tires. Here is one thing everybody, be they native, immigrant or transplant, totally neglects: Proper tire maintenance. You can be the best driver in history, but your l33t skillz won't mean jack if your tires have lost their tread, causing even the most adept driver to skid and lose control on wet pavement. Such is what caused an accident in late November which a local Jedi blogger experienced while riding in a landspeeder (but don't actual landspeeders, through the use of repulsors, avoid contact with the ground?). When it comes to auto maintenance, we seem to only be concerned with the mechanical well-being of the car and place things like tire rotation and replacement as a low priority. Los Angeles was once the largest tire-producing city in the country behind Akron, OH (hence the existence of places like this) - SO GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED, PEOPLE!
Lastly, and most importantly...

• Suprise! Suprise! We are not the only place in the country where people cannot drive in the rain. When the Militant visited Portland, Oregon - a Pacific Northwest city with abundant rainfall - and rode their light rail train during one rainy night, he and his fellow passengers were forced to disembark and cram into a bus. The reason? A car hit a train further down the line. You'd have thought that Portlanders would have known better - because car accidents in the rain only happen in Los Angeles, right?

The Militant will now provide a (by no means comprehensive) list of sites and blogs from around the country, via his Militant research, which declare the drivers of their respective locales (including some known for frequent precipitation) as people who "Can't drive in the rain."

Richmond, VA

Texas

Maryland

Pittsburgh

Roanoke, VA

The Bay Area

The Bay Area again

Kentucky

Austin, TX (look out, Virginia, you got competition!)

Central Alabama

South Carolina, Alaska, Canada and New York

Phoenix

The South

Hawai'i (A state which is home to the world's rainiest place)

Springfield, VA (Way to go, Virginia!)

and finally...

SEATTLE!

You get the picture. You might even hail from some of these places. Pwnage is in effect. But on an objective level, it's all a matter of perspective. You don't see the problems of other cities in front of you every day; the only comparisons we are capable of are selective recollections and detail-deficient news reports (The Militant refuses to believe there were no auto accidents during the big Katrina evacuation in '05 - but you'd never hear of it, since that would have been only a trivial part of the bigger story).

So be careful out there (duh) and again, GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED!

Driving Smart and Disposing S.A.F.E.

Do not adjust your set (monitor?), the Militant's recent adventure around town did not involve a bicycle, bus or rail vehicle.

Yes, the Militant drove around town.

But of course, when the Militant drives, he drives efficiently, planning trips accordingly so as to waste as little gas, money and time as possible.

The Militant headed out on Saturday morning to Burbank, where two of his Valley-based operatives, who had been in a relationship for several years, finally tied the knot in a nice ceremony. So the Militant had to put his camouflage fatigues away for the day and don a sharp suit - which he bought at the Fashion District a couple years ago - for the occasion. You just had to see it (of course, you probably can't). The reception took place in Downtown Los Angeles, so the Militant took care of a few errands while en route.

First was downtown Burbank, where the Militant parked on the street and made a quick automatic withdrawal of his Militant funds. The Militant also realized he hadn't yet bought the wedding present yet, but never fear, he was able to walk to a nearby store where he was able to purchase the present. All of this convenience saved him the task of driving to separate places, hunting for parking at those destinations and stopping and starting his car several times.

Next, the Militant made a quick trip to a City of Los Angeles Bureau of Sanitation S.A.F.E. (Solvents, Automotive, Flammables, Electronics) Disposal center (pictured right). Say what? See, several days ago the Militant's cathode ray tube-equipped home television set - purchased in the late 1980s - passed away. After it was subsequently replaced with a brand-spanking-new LCD HD television set (HD TV is like, wow...), instead of leaving the deceased television on his curb (like many people do) and further adding to the blight in his neighborhood, he dropped it off at a S.A.F.E. center where they happily accept old electronics and toxic materials for proper disposal or possible recycling. If you are a Los Angeles city resident, please dispose of your old broken crap or motor oil here, and tell your friends about it. This particular center, located right at the Los Angeles-Glendale city border across the 5 freeway from Griffith Park, serves the Hollywood and Northeast Los Angeles areas, and is accessible from the Edenhurst Ave "exit" off of the 5 Freeway Colorado Blvd. on/off ramp. And yes, this meant that, due to the carefully-planned trip, the Militant drove to his friends' wedding with a dead television in the backseat. But hey - the Militant is always prepared...or at least most of the time.

So after the S.A.F.E. center visit, it was direct to Downtown via the 5 and 110. The newlyweds had their wedding reception at, of all places, the Music Center, which sports a few banquet halls within its structure. Even during a few hours of dancing, drinking and celebrating the beginning of the bride and groom's new life together, the Militant got to spend a couple minutes to enjoy the view of the Civic Center from five stories up (pictured left). The Grand Avenue redevelopment project intends to put a large public park in that area, stretching from the Music Center to City Hall. The Militant had to leave the ceremony a little early to make a work assignment in the Jefferson Park area, which he got to on time via the 110 and the 10.

Planning your car trips carefully saves you from much hassle - even though you're still on the road, by efficient planning of automobile trips, it saves you from being on the road when you really didn't need to be.