Showing posts with label Rantz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rantz. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Your Fear Of Celebration?

The Militant feels compelled to make this one extra post tonight because he's been hearing this from a lot of folks:

"I'm gonna pass on the Laker parade tomorrow. Don't want to deal with the knuckleheads."

"I'm just gonna watch in the safety of my own home. Too many knuckleheads tomorrow."

"The Coliseum!? That's the worst part of town. F--- that! Stupid idea to have the celebration there. I never go to that side of town!"

What you have here folks, is the "F" word: FEAR.

Look, the Militant distinctly remembers going to Staples Center after the Lakers won the 2000 NBA Finals, and got out of there quick because of what went down (which apparently was much worse than what we saw on Sunday, but thanks to people's short-term memories, no one knows that). More people were arrested and more vehicles were destroyed on June 19, 2000 than on June 14, 2009.

That also didn't stop the Militant from attending the Laker parade a few days later, which went off without a hitch, and save for a handful of arrests, it was a peaceful and jubilant celebration for a team that brought back the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy to Los Angeles after 12 long years.

For those of you who didn't understand what the Militant said in the past two paragraphs, the Militant will break it down in terms that you can comprehend:

2009 Laker Riot: BAD!
2000 Laker Riot: MORE BAD!
2000 Laker Parade: NO RIOT! STILL GOOD!

The Militant hopes you have the mental capacity to digest such complex axioms.

If you're not going to the Laker Parade tomorrow because you can't take the day off, no problem! But for those of you who are afraid of "the knuckleheads," then you're part of the problem! Basically you're letting them take over the event, much like people's attitudes towards neighborhoods, parks, and urban nightlife. If you truly are a Laker Fan, then don't let these punks take over YOUR event. This is YOUR event! Don't let them represent YOUR team! Take ownership, have no fear (As a certain Jedi Master once verbalized, "Fear is the path to the Dark Side...") and STAY MILITANT!

The Militant WILL be at the Laker celebration tomorrow at the Coliseum! (Remember to get there Militant Style: Ride your bikes or take the Metro Bus, folks!)

The Militant will leave you with this awesome Laker, the hero of Game 4, known for his class as well as his clutch, speaking from his purple and gold heart:



Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Episode I: The Fandom Menace - The Militant's Thoughts On The Post-Championship Melee

On Sunday night, hundreds of rowdy Laker fans took to the streets, and wreaked havoc on vehicles and property near the Staples Center.

And oh yeah, the Lakers won the championship.

Meanwhile, lots of smug transplants walk around town with huge smiles on their faces, going, "I told ya so!" and texting their friends and family back home how retarded Los Angelenos really are (yet they still won't leave because they like the weather).

Okay, historical perspective folks.

The Militant was there in 1992 and saw the You-Know-What happen in front of his eyes. More recently, nine years ago, the Militant wanted to celebrate, in the most sincere and joyous way, the Lakers' defeat of the Indiana Pacers, and took the (M) Red Line to Downtown and walked to the Staples Center.

There, he saw some Laker fans honk their horns, screaming with joy. But then he was ready to join one crowd, and then heard police fire rubber bullets.

The Militant fears very little in this world, but nevertheless, he got his ass out of there ASAP.

Naturally, the Militant will point out that these sorts of sports riots happen in other cities as well; In Chicago, back in 1992, over 1,000 were arrested in riots that erupted after the Michael Jordan-era Bulls won their championship (Hmm, Phil Jackson coached that team too...maybe the Zen Master is to blame? lol...) And in 2003, for one sports team up north that some of us used to know, the fact that they didn't win the championship one year didn't stop them from going crazy destructo nucking futs in the streets.

People like to pole fun, or point shameful fingers at this City and its citizens for riotous behavior, but no one wants to talk about WHY these things happen.

Case in point: The Lakers won the NBA Championship in 1980, 1982, 1985, 1987 and 1988.

Nobody caused a riot back then.

So what is it about contemporary society that drives people to act like assholes and burn shit (the Militant normally refrains from excessive swearing, but when he's this pissed, he's wired the censor button shut)?

The Militant has three possible explanations:

1. The Media. People do stupid shit in front of cameras. Ever see a high-speed chase on TV? Don't say you don't watch those things, because you know you do. Well, drivers in those chases know the chopper following is shining the spotlight on them - in more than one way. The Militant remembered watching TV one afternoon in 1998 when a man drove his car onto the northbound 105-110 interchange, parked his car, unfurled a blanket that read, "HMOs Are Only In It For The Money" and, as TV live cameras were watching, he pulled out a gun and shot himself dead.

There is a gross disparity of the "haves" (who have a lot) and the "have nots" (who inversely have very little). For many of the "have nots," the apparent privilege of the "haves" is justified by their celebrity status. So by being in front of a camera, whether they make money from it or not, creates an instant ego trip.

The Militant blames the media on Sunday night for expecting the melee and egging on the rioteers by their presence. The helicopters and news vans were there. So the "knuckleheads" wanted to do some "Showtime" of their own. There were even news vans deployed to East Los Angeles and the Crenshaw district. Gee, wonder why? (Eventually they reported very little).

Most of the "action" in Downtown died out by 1 a..m.; the cameras had already left. Coincidence?

2. Some Real Fucked up People Out There. No, not necessarily talking about their alcohol- or drug- induced states, but the fact that a lot of the rioteers have pretty fucked up lives to begin with. The Militant doesn't justify their behavior by any means, and doesn't want you to feel sorry for them, but let's face it, a lot of them never really experienced any genuine joy in their lives. Whether it's through poverty, faulty education, or abusive upbringing, when they do feel the joy and elation brought on by a Laker championship, they're gonna celebrate the only way they know how - by destroying shit.

Point is, there's some real social problems that we need to work on as a society, and the Laker riots are an obvious symptom of that.

3. Midwestern Mentality. Los Angeles, was once part of Mexico, a country known for tis fiestas and public celebrations. So much so, that a plaza was built in what was then the middle of town for such festivities. In the next century, the influx of white rural Midwesterners transformed the old Mexican village into a re-creation of the farmlands they knew, spreading its people out (yes, Midwesterners are to blame for our sprawl), and changing forever the way the city conducted itself with regard to public space, gatherings and social conduct. In the Mexican-era Los Angeles, gringo and Indio walked side by side. In the early 1900s Indiana-By-The-Sea, Midwesterners only socialized among their own kind and shunned others out. Even before the automobile isolated people from human interaction, the wide-open spaces created by our agricultural landscape created divisions among people. From then on, people are to be feared, and not interacted with.

Flash-forward to a century later. With the influence of Pacific Rim cultures, along with those of other parts of the world, we are supposed to be a global, cosmopolitan urban center, but the Midwestern Mentality still sticks around.

So what's the Militant's point?

The Midwestern Mentality frowns on public gatherings, especially spontaneous ones. It closes our parks and beaches at 10 p.m., it makes people want to instinctively dial 9-1-1 when over a dozen people are gathered somewhere.

Many people correctly state that Sunday night's melee is "The wrong way to celebrate." Sure, but what is the right way then? Other cities have sports victory traditions where they gather around a certain public space, and possibly engage in traditional celebratory rituals. Our public space (L.A. Live, right? Wait, "public?" It's privately-owned!) is still too new. So why can't people organize spontaneous victory celebrations "the right way?"

Unfortunately, any sort of spontaneous victory celebration is either "bad," or "potentially bad."
So let's be creative, claim public space and teach each other through tradition "the right way" to celebrate, from now on.

Failing that, let's just give an ultimatum to any future would-be rioters: You riot, you loot, and there will be no victory parade for anybody.

There's another professional athletic team in town that happens to have the best record in its sport at the moment. They may or may not bring home a championship of their own come October. So let's start to get our act together right now or else we'll never learn from experience.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Superintendent Militant Angeleno?

With the recent stepping-down of Supernintendo Superintendent David Brewer from the Los Angeles Unified School District, it appears that the second-largest public school system in the country is in need of a new leader. Someone with new ideas, who's not afraid to take risks, and one with a true vision for education in Los Angeles.

The Militant knows exactly the person who can accomplish this.

Himself.

Yes, the Militant Angeleno is putting it right out there: He would like to be the next Superintendent of Schools for the LAUSD.

So the Militant lacks the experience, you say? Surely you jest. The LAUSD needs someone who really knows the school district. Brewer's predecessor, Roy Romer, was once the former Governor of Colorado. Brewer, a former Navy admiral, has military experience. This blogger has, of course, militant experience.

Brewer has had a total of two years of experience in the LAUSD. Romer had five years.

The Militant, on the other hand, has 13 years of experience in the LAUSD.

Okay, granted, all of those 13 years were being a K-12 public school student. But still, who better to know the needs and issues of the school district than an actual product of it?

The Militant, as a high school student, excelled in subjects like English, History and the arts. At the same time, he was an awful Math student, was not so hot in Science, and very mediocre in foreign languages.

When the Militant was but a little kid, he was fascinated with science, so much that one of his childhood aspirations was to be an astronaut. But see, the poor quality of teaching and educational materials made science a dull subject for him so much that his desire waned, and so did the grades. So there you go, that's one of the areas where our schools are sorely lacking.

Again on the topic of experience, maybe it is true the Militant is not experienced enough -- the Militant will gladly admit that he sorely lacks experience in corruption, allowing massive cost overruns and gross incompetence.

And Brewer's $400,000 salary? Heck, the Militant will work for half that! Even quarter that! (It'll still be oodles more than his current militant income...)

As far as a vision, the Militant definitely has one:

First off, stop this idiotic LAUSD land grab we have seen in the past few decades. It's no secret that we've lost a lot of our history because of this. The Militant will build school sites with a smaller footprint, rather than large-acreage schools that take away people's homes, commercial areas and precious parks, recreation and open space.

Develop vocational partnerships with local industries, such as health care, trade/manufacturing and the entertainment/tourist industry. That way we can develop a loyal local pool rather than rely on transplants showing up at the Greyhound station to take all the jobs.

And speaking of local, establish a local history curriculum. The Militant knows his Los Angeles history, as you all know, but virtually none of it came from the classroom. He had to learn it on his own. We have kids who live and breathe and learn and play here, yet they have absolutely no concept of how this City came to be, and how it functions, on a societal, cultural, economic and governmental level.

Lastly, as superintendent, the Militant will make sure the LAUSD follows this one motto: Quality over Quantity. For decades the LAUSD has been psychotically obsessed with capacity, capacity, capacity, resulting in the aforementioned land grab to accommodate the overcrowding. Enough of this, it's the quality of the edjumakation that has to be at the forefront. And losing kids to private and charter schools shouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, if they're that obsessed with containing capacity and keeping classroom sizes down.

Seriously now, the Militant saw his share of teacher's strikes and walkouts back when he was in school; those things leave a lasting impression for a young, aspiring militant. He also recently had a conversation with an unspecified former member of the Board of Education who candidly told the Militant that the situation regarding the relationship between the teachers union and the District is "downright chaotic" nowadays as compared to when the Militant was in school.

Enough of this, the Militant says, crap will be cut and credibility will finally be restored to our ailing school system.

And if he doesn't do such a great job as superintendent, well...they can always buy out his contract.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Militant to Target: YOU SUCK!

Anyone here shop at Target Stores? Hey, the Militant seems to like that store...up until now. Low prices, stuff is easy to find, relatively good selection, and even that cute TV commercial with the two college freshman dormmate girls dancing around to some catchy dancehall tune, why not? And though the proliferation of Target stores in Southern California has gone seemingly out of control, and contributing to the generic chain store homogenization of the area, well at least using less gas (or no gas at all) in traveling to a conveniently-close Target store must make sense.

On Saturday night, the Militant went to the Target "Greatland" store in Burbank to make about $300 in unspecified purchases. When he asked one of the electronics department dudes to open up the case so he can get a relatively pricey item, the electronics dude asked him, "Would you like to save 10% on your purchase?"

"Um, okay...how?" asked the Miltant.

"All you have to do is sign up for a Target Card," he said.

"Um, no thanks," replied the Militant, not at all interested in adding any sort of line of credit. With the way the financial situation is going in this country, having your money float around in credit isn't such a smart move. And besides, the Militant hates using credit cards, except for emergency situations. Instead, he prefers to make purchases using his bank's ATM/Check Card, which doesn't involve bills or interest rates - it just deducts it from the existing money he has in his checking account (BTW, if any of you people use your bank's ATM'/Check Cards, ALWAYS select "Credit" rather than "ATM" or "Debit." That way the purchase will not incur any ATM or point of purchase fees). The Militant avoids credit like the plague, instead opting to save money up to a certain amount before he makes the actual purchase (gee, what a concept...).

The electrnics dude just set the item in the cash register clerk's conveyor belt, and the Militant, without having to give the electronics dude an answer, soon dealt with the clerk.

She asked him if he would like to sign up for the Target card.

"No thanks, I don't need any other credit card," the Militant firmly replied, as he swiped his ATM/Check Card in the card swiper terminal. The little screen gave him the PIN number prompt, and at that point he selected the "CREDIT" button. He then used the little plastic stylus to write his signature (more like a horribly-pixelated scribble) on the touchscreen, which almost always never resembles his actual pen-written signature.

Then it happened.

The clerk's computer terminal said, "CARD NOT AUTHORIZED. ENTER LAST 4 DIGITS." So she manually entered the last four numbers of the Militant's trusty ATM/Check Card.

"CARD NOT AUTHORIZED."

WTF? Now wait a minute, he didn't have a problem using the card in the past few days. In fact, he just made an ATM withdrawal the previous day. And he didn't make any online purchases registered to another country, as what happened the last time his bank put a protective hold on his card's activity.

The Militant then re-swiped his card, selected "CREDIT," attempted to scribble his horribly-pixellated signature, and then the "LAST 4 DIGITS" prompt came back.

"Would you like to sign up for the Target Card? You can complete your purchase and save 10%. You can just pay it off."

The Militant again politely declined.

"You're pre-approved..."

Oh not not the "pre-approved" bullshiat again. Pre-approved the Militant's ass. How do they even know what his name is? The ATM/Check Card was "declined," after all.

The Militant just decided to cancel the entire order and walked out of that store, empty handed (yes, he did remember to get his card back).

On Sunday, the Militant went to a different store and purchased the same higher-priced electronic item there. No credit card BS, the card was accepted as normal.

The nerve.

Look, as a consumer you are supposed to have the right to not only choose what you want to buy, but how you want to pay for it. You can use your ATM card, a debit card, an ATM/check card, a store card, a credit card, a gift card or something called cash, which is actual, tangible money.

Rigging the cash register terminal to refuse other forms of payment is downright fraudulent (it could have been worse, the Militant could have actually been charged for those items (twice!). They've even gone so low as to decline gift cards! After swiping them more than once, but a quick check to his bank's online service revealed that no purchase had been made after all...phew!). Target clearly does not care about customer choice, and fools their customers to believe there is a problem with their credit/debit cards, and forces their customers to sign up for some lame store card, and even worse, more credit/interest fees to worry about.

Oh yes, the Militant is fully aware that the store forces its sales staff to push these card signups to customers. And it seems like they're really hurting for more card signups. But again, you have a right as a consumer to accept or decline it.

The Militant will not shop at Target anymore, which is too bad, since he likes what they have. But doing stupid-ass tricks to get you to sign up for something you don't really want is a major turn-off. The Militant urges his readers to NOT shop there anymore, and if you must, then ONLY pay in cash. Target sucks!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

When Los Angeles Comes To Hollywood

For the rest of the world (or, more accurately, those who live outside of the state of California), somehow believe Hollywood is larger than Los Angeles, or worse, don't know where Los Angeles is, but they can point to where Hollywood is on a globe. It has, after all, a 200-foot long sign plopped on a hillside. So naturally, for them, it's inconceivable to think that Hollywood is merely a community that's a subset of Los Angeles (Of course, there are two "Hollywoods," but that's a topic for another (rather lengthy and didactic) post...).

As the Militant biked through Hollywood on Friday night after having dinner with a group of operatives, he suddenly found this (pictured above) perched atop a building on Vine Street - an advertisement for an upcoming Sony Pictures flick starring Samuel L. Jackson, called Lakeview Terrace (the tag line: "What could be safer than living next to a cop?" Oooh, let the Militant guess...a 'bad cop' movie? How original...).

Certainly bad cops aren't strangers to the LVT, as this guy can surely attest. But rest-assured, northeastern SFV residents, the movie is just fiction, since everybody knows LAPD officers don't even live within Los Angeles City limits (OH SNAP!).

But lest you think the Militant has a huge amount of disdain for the LAPD, he actually respects them very much, knows a few officers by name (in a good way, that is), and never had a bad experience with any member of this City's police force (in contrast, those suburban cops, they can be real a-holes, though...).

But this post wasn't meant to be about the police (no, not that one), so end this tangent we will. What do the people in the actual Lakeview Terrace think of the film? Will they want to see it? Will they want to avoid seeing it? Or will they just order it off of Netflix? The Militant thinks it's rather peculiar to have movies named after actual communities in Los Angeles. Besides Lakeview Terrace, there's South Central, Echo Park, Encino Man (a stretch, but it counts...), and the most famous film named after a Los Angeles community - Chinatown. Did the Militant miss any?

...And...cut!

Friday, August 29, 2008

People Get Ready, There's A Train A-Comin'...

The latest episode of the TransitVue Metro subway info screens, which popped upon June 20, subsequently vanished and came back with a civilian vengeance, though the whole thing is still involved in its active beta-testing phase.

This past week, Metro added a new feature: An approaching train and destination info screen (pictured right; train schedule times have been pixelated in order to obscure details on the Militant's whereabouts) that appears about 30 seconds before a train's arrival and indicates where the train is headed - more practical in the Segment 1 stations under DTLA, of course. The screen image is not exactly new, as it has been appearing at Union Station since early June to inform passengers which side of the platform to board the next departing train. This time, they appear at all subway stations.

The Militant will say that they're a nice addition to the TransitVue screen features, though, of course, the Militant would like to add his pair of pennies just in case some of you may or may not be reading from up there at One Gateway Plaza:
  • The screens disappear way too soon, usually right before the doors have opened. It would still be helpful to riders who have just descended upon the platform to know where the stopped train is going.
  • The cute little cartoony train against the bright UCLA-themed background might be designed to get people's attention (especially riders of the Bruin persuasion, ironic since we're still years from the subway reaching Westwood), but it still fails to inform people which line the arriving train is representin'. So hows about this: Use a red background for Red Line trains and a purple background for...well, the Militant is sure you can put two and two together.
  • If the solid background thing is too much, then at least have a red/purple circle and the name of the line above the main text. Anything would be helpful!
Additionally, the Militant might be imagining things, but he swears he's seen the screen briefly change into a CGI-animated (more Dire Straits video than Pixar though) sequence followed by a message about rail safety or riding procedure. But every time the Militant's mentioned it, people seem to have given him the same "yeah, right" treatment that the denizens of Sesame Street gave Big Bird during Mr. Snuffleupagus' "imaginary friend" phase, and efforts to capture the animated sequence with the MilitantCam have turned up fruitless...So can anyone confirm?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Militant's Non-Coverage of Sunset Junction

You may or may not know by now that the Militant Angeleno loves to cover his local events.

And there was one major local event this weekend that more than a few of you went to.

But the Militant wasn't there.

Actually he was there, kinda. But just on the outside looking in, to snap an intentionally symbolic photo (pictured right) of the chain-link fence that cordoned off the festival grounds.

Now, the Militant knows what you're thinking: "The Sunset Junction Festival was just crawling with hipsters, so the Militant decided to avoid it at all costs."

But that's actually not an accurate statement.

The Militant isn't afraid of hipsters, just intensely annoyed by them. But they do no harm to the Militant. If anything, the Militant doesn't even exist to them, as when he tries to engage in conversation with them, they produce no replies. So that must mean that in their eyes, the Militant is pretty much invisible. Which...is just fine with the Militant.

So no, the "H" factor has nothing to do with it, at all.

It's just that (sit tight folks, especially you SoCal n00bs, historical perspective coming up) when it began in the 1980s, Sunset Junction was - a community festival (pictured left). It celebrated the community, in involved the community, it featured the community. Back then, there was a Silver Lake, but not really a "Silverlake." Actually, Silver Lake was really that hilly area around the reservoir, and maybe the parts north and south of it adjacent to the eponymous boulevard. Sunset Junction wasn't really Silver Lake, nor was it Hollywood (despite the fact a "Hollywood" community sign stands there (and until a couple years ago the sign had been there so long, it was colored black and not blue) on Sunset between Sanborn and Hyperion) - it was pretty much its own community.

But nearly 30 years later Sunset Junction is all of a sudden the "Downtown of Silverlake [sic]" or at least its proper central business district.

Okay, get to the point Militant. It used to be a free festival. It used to actually be a boost to all the local businesses, institutions and residents. Used to. This is not the Sunset Junction the Militant knew from his youth. No, the Militant isn't being a change-resistant reactionary here, it's just that the festival totally abandoned its roots.

Now it's (trying really hard to be) a freaking Coachella on asphalt (once upon a time, the music acts were all local bands who rehearsed at the now-defunct Hully Gully rehearsal studio on Fletcher in the AWV). It costs $20 (?!?) to get in now, which is more than the real people of the community can afford, it only benefits a certain number of businesses that are on the organizers' good side, it actually blocks off many businesses, keeping them from benefiting from the festival, has become a logistical headache (though okay, the recent arrangement allows people to come in from the Red Line, the Militant gives credit where it's due) and the music stages are racially segregated.

The last time the Militant was at Sunset Junction, he happened to go late enough that he got in at a discount. There was still some music going on, though he discovered all the white indie rock acts played at the Bates Stage and all the "colored people" acts played on the extreme opposite end of the festival grounds. The festival has been somewhat reconfigured, but the musical and racial segregation still continues. Why not stages that bring people together? Most of the other festivals in town seem to be able to work it. And oh yeah, they seemed to capitalize on the recent death of a certain soul music legend (originally booked to perform there) rather well (Shut your mouth!) But the Militant's talking about Sunset Junction!

But whatever. If you went to SJ, the Militant won't give you crap for it (besides, you already got crap to begin with, so the Militant won't add anymore). And when a recently-transplanted near-operative (you gotta earn these things...) brought up going to SJ in a conversation before the weekend, after the Militant dissed it, he still encouraged him to go "just for the experience." If you wanna go back next year, fine.

But it's just that Sunset Junction ain't the Militant's cup of tea.

Friday, June 20, 2008

NEWSFLASH! Metro Rail Subway Arrival Displays Now Operational! (Albeit Kinda Buggy...)

The Militant had some unspecified business to do Downtown, and armed with his trusty TAP card, he hopped on the (M) Red Line en route to his compound this evening.

When lo and behold, he saw it. He finally saw it.

The long-awaited arrival displays on the recently-installed TransitVue LCD video screens now display the arrival times of subway trains on the Red and Purple lines (pictured above). Yesssss!

The empty "Train to" column has now been filled in with the expected times the next trains to the respective destinations will arrive.

Although, as you can see, it's displayed in Militant Military time. Which is fine for this camo-adorned urban assault soldier, but not so convenient for the gas price-oppressed Civilian Angelenos on the platforms (Say what? Next train coming in 16 minutes 45 seconds?).

No make matters worse, the actual time/date display on the upper left-hand corner of the TransitVue screen shows the usual 12-hour civilian time. Very inconsistent! The Militant thinks, or at least hopes, the folks at Metro will change a few settings there.

And to be even more nitpicky about this, the Militant took another picture of the display, this time on the platform level, just prior to boarding the North Hollywood-bound Red Line train. As you can see, the time is off by 10 minutes from the mezzanine-level photo at the top of this post:
(And by the way, way to go with the cutesy cartoonish subway train icon. Does it have a name? Look out, Thomas!).

The Militant, being of the curious sort, wanted to see if this display was an accurate reflection of the train movements. So he disembarked at an unspecified Red Line station, and, taking advantage of a not-in-service escalator, got this vantage point of an arriving train:
Hmmmm. As you can or cannot see (click on picture to enlarge if the latter's the case), the time was 5:34 p.m. but the Union Station-bound train's arrival is listed as 17:35 (5:35 p.m. for you civilians). Which means they only use the predetermined timetable, and late/early/delayed trains are not reflected in the display!

What's also not cool is that there's no flashing "Train Arriving" notice anywhere (the Green Line and even the light rail wannabe Orange Line, both still bearing the archaic "silent radio" LED displays, though, do announce arriving vehicles, go figure...). When the displayed time passes, that particular display simply updates to the next train.

So as you can see, it's not really a user-friendly system. Military time aside, even if the 12-hour clock time was displayed, you still have to refer to the time/date on the upper left, or your own watch/cellphone/iPod. Why not "5 minutes" or "20 minutes" on the display? Talk about lazy!

The Militant has mixed feelings. He is obviously disappointed at a long-awaited transit amenity appearing so flawed, yet he thinks despite the flaws, it'll save him the Indiana Jones-like rush down to the train to beat the closing door (which may or may not have actually happened...more than once). To sum it up...and here comes the pun people...

...It's about time.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Red Line Busker, You've Got Talent...NOT!!!

The Militant normally bides his time on a Metro Rail ride by listening to his iPod. But for those without the earbuds on, our subway is a rhythmic cacophony of beeping doors, the whistling of the rushing train, the occasional track rumble, the train's horn, the sporadic murmur of passenger conversations and the unintelligible midrange chatter of the train operator's stop calls.

But if you're unlucky, you'll get to hear this dude:



The Militant does not know his name, but he may or may not have seen him "perform" before. He is this skinny dude with a blond semi-mohawk and carries an el cheapo acoustic guitar, slightly out of tune, sans protective case or bag (just goes to prove how dedicated he is to his instrument, right)? He stands, usually near a doorway, announces his name and calls out song titles, as if it were a real gig. Then he sits down on the floor and starts "playing," which is in the form of rapid 16th-note power-chordish strums on the guitar, full of repetition and devoid of melody, structure, dynamics or fretboard prowess. And ALL HIS SONGS SOUND THE SAME.

To his credit, perhaps the most redeeming aspect of his "performance" is that he does not sing.

Thank Gawd!

But yet this n00bador has the audacity to ask for money from the riders for his, er, "display of talent." Thankfully, no one gives him anything. Which the Militant is glad for. Because this valedictorian of suckitude probably arrived into town via the Hollywood Greyhound station five months ago thinking he'd be some sort of rock star, probably after playing way too much Guitar Hero, yet he's so bad that no one wants to be in a band with him, so he busks on the Red Line, perhaps to feed his meth addiction.

Now, the Militant isn't opposed to busking or the display of performance of any art on our transit system. The Militant loves that kind of stuff.

But if you try to pull off any of that, please make sure you have at least a decent amount of um...TALENT?

The Militant would rather hear something like this on his Red Line trip (American a cappella group Naturally Seven performing in the Paris Metro):



So if you ever see ol' B.B. Stink sit down on the subway car floor and do further injustice to all that is six strings, please let him know openly that he sucks. Or better yet, tell him, "The Militant Angeleno says you suck!"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

4/29/92

It began with a TV broadcast.

The reading of the verdict.

The helicopter view of Florence and Normandie.

The first reports of looting.

The first sign of fire.

Reginald Denny.

More looting.

More signs of fire.

Signs of looting and fire heading north.

A Parker Center protest.

Police cars being overturned.

Palm trees burning alongside the 101 Downtown.

More signs of looting and fire.

Koreatown shop owners standing atop their businesses, rifle in hand.

"Can we all just get along?"

Looting and fire -- in one's neighborhood -- right before one's eyes.

Smoke filling the air.

Staying indoors.

The police car situated down the street.

Family members breaking down and crying.

Final exams postponed.

What's going on here?

What is happening to my City?

Is this for real?

This is madness!

Oneself breaking down and crying.

We need an earthquake - NOW - just so everyone will stop.



That is what the Militant recalls from April 29-May 2, 1992. The event known as an uprising, a rebellion, a civil disobedience, an urban disturbance, a melee, an insurrection, a riot -- depending on one's cultural, geographical and sociopolitical perspective, was something the Militant will never forget, yet he kind of wants to.

He is keenly aware, just as he was aware back then, than many do not, could not and will not understand. They think it's just "California people being themselves." They think it's just "L.A. getting what it deserves" (they probably selectively forgot that other such events happened in several other American cities on 4/29/92 as well). They will never understand.

A good percentage of people reading this were not here when it happened, or maybe not of the age where they could comprehend what happened. But it did.

The Militant would not condone any of the actions, he has more sense than that. But looking back, it was the breaking point of a society that tended to wallow in naive content. A wake-up call. It was part of a process. Like the Oklahoma City bombing three years later or the multiple terrorist acts in the East Coast nine years later, it meant reality was no longer knocking at our door - it was busting it down.

So what now, 16 years later?

Many people contend "There's gonna be another one." The Militant wonders whether they're just guessing, or actually hoping. The Militant doesn't think so, at least not on the same scale. 1992 was also the birthdate of the World Wide Web, and in less than 10 years it would become a mainstream phenomena. Now it's a part of daily life. Heck, you're on it right now.

No, teh Int3rw3bz isn't gonna stave off another riot, but people are less and less in the dark regarding information and self-expression. Blogs and forums and the like won't save the world per se, but perhaps the pent-up anger that got unleashed in '92 could have been prevented if people had a common means to express themselves. Granted, not everyone has the luxury of the web (though you'd be surprised, the Militant knows for a fact that more and more low-income people have access to the Internet than you would assume). But the web is starting to leave the stationary computer realm and go mobile - on our phones or other devices. It is becoming more accessible.

The Militant also believes communities - and the perception of communities - have changed since 1992. When the fires finally burned out and actor Edward James Olmos invited citizens to go outside and help clean up the mess, the Militant was instantly inspired. The awesomeness of that spirit of involvement seemed to overshadow the ruckus of the previous few days. This spirit of cooperation, of involvement soon grew into the love and care of our communities that never really existed before.

Others may think this whole obsession with identifying with communities and neighborhoods, be it Westside, Eastside (both the wrong one and right one), NELA, Downtown, Silver_Lake, Silverlake, Boyle Heights, Palms, Sherman Oaks, Harbor City, Garvanza, Atwater Village, Pacoima, etc. etc. is "Too East Coast." No, it's a process. People are starting to take stock in their communities, they are starting to frame them. What was one ambiguous "city" that wasn't really a city is becoming more like a real city. We're a young city, remember that. Comparing Los Angeles to New York or Paris or Tokyo is like comparing a teenager to a bunch of senior citizens and asking, "Who's smarter?" To many the answer may be obvious, but the younger one can still have the opportunity to grow and learn, whereas the older ones will always be set in their ways.

More importantly, from the perspective of this lifelong Angeleno, pre-1992, people took their neighborhoods for granted. They enjoyed life and when things went wrong, they didn't really give much of a care. Post-1992, people are making an effort to improve their quality of life. Countless non-profit agencies dedicated to improving of communities, be they regional, socioeconomic, ethnic/cultural or other demographic, have started up. Citizen groups dedicated to community improvement, safety or beautification have also started up. The Militant definitely got more involved after '92. He never understood why until he realized that it was all part of the changed psyche of the city. Yes, you cynical hating transplants, of course not everyone wants to get involved, but the level of involvement that exists today is something that never happened in the '60s or '70s or '80s. Each and every one of the Militant's operatives - he is proud to say - are community-minded people who are involved, be it local government, academia, neighborhood councils, non-profits, etc. They are definitely doing things. Are you?

Things are not perfect, of course, especially in this current economic situation nationwide. The event that sparked on 4/29/92 was tragic...yet, perhaps a necessary evil. What happened isn't necessarily justified. But it happened, and we must use our experience in a constructive manner. As Angelenos, we should own our own perspective of history and point to that event not from the perspective of hate, embarrassment or shame, but as an important lesson to all, that we should get off our asses and get involved.

Stay Militant, Angelenos. Truly.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Plastic, Oh No, Banned

Some of the other local blogs have already reported that Swedish-based furniture retailer Ike...oops, wait, it's all caps...IKEA will discontinue its use of disposable plastic bags by Fall of this year. Since March 15 they have already charged five cents for people who do need the bags, and are encouraging customers to bring their own reusable bags, which they are selling at 59 cents a pop.

The Militant, a frequent reader (and commenter) of rival guerrilla factions, was engaged in commenting to an IKEA-bag post, when he hit the three-paragraph limit and decided to copy and paste the text into Notepad and make is own damn post instead. So here 'tis.

The Militant was at the Burbank IKEA last week to buy an unspecified piece of particle-board material furniture, plus a couple of cheap plastic storage bins (extra kudos to them for having bike parking, and not the cheap-ass wheelbender kind either, though the Militant had to drive there since his purchase weighed over 100 pounds, and that would have been one helluva masochistic bike ride back to the compound). He obviously didn't need any bags but applauded IKEA's effort to reduce plastic bag consumption by 50%. No not because he's some knee-jerk treehugging cliche, but for the obvious fact that those bags are everywhere - on the street, on sidewalks, in alleys, not to mention scattered all over the Los Angeles River. They're also found in our beloved beaches (as any Heal The Bay cleanup volunteer would attest), and worse, they're part of that two-times Texas-sized big-ass floating plastic crap thing (pictured right) currently circulating in the Pacific Ocean.

On a little tangent here, the Militant was eating some imported Japanese chocolate-filled cookies bought recently from a specified Echo Park grocery. The plastic foil package, with a plastic tray inside, contained 10 cookies -- each individually concealed in its own plastic foil wrapping. WTF here? All this plastic just for a few damn cookies?

But as a shopper who has bought reusable bags from other stores, namely Trader Joes, the Militant tends to forget to bring his canvas bag, especially since his TJs trips are mostly spontaneous events. He can leave the bag in his car trunk, but then if he decides to make a bike trip there, he's SOL. Oh well, he settles for paper most of the time, which makes for a convenient container when it's that time of the week to feed the blue bin.

Oh well, its all excuses anyway. But old habits, from both the retail and consumer ends, need to be broken. TJs does give an incentive for shoppers using the reusable bags, usually in the form of a raffle for a gift certificate. Surely the larger chain stores and supermarkets can do it too, and probably will eventually, but what about the smaller mom & pop markets-cum-liquor stores in the hood that all use black plastic bags? What about the local farmer's market or swap meet?

The Militant would love it if there was some rolling clump-like thing that could collect all the plastic crap on this planet (and perhaps result in a plastic mass large enough to function as Earth's second moon). Or maybe some alien Fred Sanfords from outer space would come visit Earth in search of our plastic crap (which would be like gold to them, and toxic waste like diamonds), and declare to the Earth-dwellers, "All Your Plastic Are Belong To Us?"

Oh well, in the meantime, while the Militant monitors his SETI signal feed, its time for us humanoids to fess up and start reducing our plastic waste habits. And not just for total environmental reasons -- plastic is derived from petroleum so the higher price at the pump will affect the price of them bags accordingly. Ergo, you're gonna pay a little more for stuff just because them bags will cost more for stores to purchase.

The Militant already declines to use bags for small purchases. He will commit more to the reusable bag route. Little steps to put this big-ass problem in the bag.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Journey To The Center of Town...Or...The Militant Puts His Foot Down On The Whole Eastside / Westside Nonsense

(Click to enlarge). Memorize this people; you will be quizzed at the end of class.

Last weekend, when hundreds of Angelenos brought pillows to Downtown's Pershing Square and had a go at it for an hour, the Militant (who wasn't there, but an unspecified number of his siblings did participate), had mixed feelings on this. On one hand, it's one of those meaningless silly quasi-hipster activities meant to make up for people's lost childhoods. On another, the Militant digs flash mobs. On yet another (for you three-handed people out there - represent!), it's a sign that the populace finally yearns for a city center and makes use of the one we have (it was, after all, called "Central Park" over 110 years ago).

So this got the Militant's big cerebral wheels toynin', after reading the most recent of an endless stream of "Eastside vs. Westside" boundary definition debates flung forth on all local blogdom. The Militant said it millions of times on blog comments, but he finally wants to make it visible for all the world to see on This Here Blog.

In short, the following axioms:

1. WHEREAS, The Eastside, in all absolute terms, is east, the Militant repeats, east of the Los Angeles River.

2. WHEREAS, The Westside, for all intents and purposes, is west of La Cienega Blvd (yes, the Militant realizes there are various self-defined variations on this, like the 405, or La Brea or even Lincoln Blvd, but just like concepts like "racism," we will go absolutely nowhere on the subject unless we have a consensus on the definition of the word, so the Militant chooses to use the general dividing line between 323- and 310- dom). There it is, take it.

3. THEREFORE, west of the Los Angeles River is NOT "The Westside" nor is east of La Cienega Blvd "The Eastside." There is no dividing line between the two. You cannot be on the Westside and throw crap across the street to the "Eastside." You cannot be on the Eastside and hock a loogie across the street to the Westside. You cannot jump between Westside and Eastside in a precisely-located game of hopscotch. Stop thinking binary here.

4. WHEREAS, there is a region between The Eastside and The Westside (The crowd silences, the earth quakes, the veil of the temple is torn in two).

5. WHEREAS, The region between The Eastside and The Westside is the center of the city.

6. THEREFORE, those of you transies who love to spout, "L.A. has no center," better go download Los Angeles Geography 3.0 - because you need an upgrade.

In addition, according to the map above (prepared by one of the Militant's most cartographically- and Photoshopically-inclined operatives under the direct supervision of The Militant), The Valley is everything north of the Santa Monica Mountains ridge line or, when present, Mulholland Drive. Essentially Glendale is part of the The Valley, separated from NELA (That's NorthEast Los Angeles - which is technically part of the Eastside, but in certain instances can stand on its own) by the 2 Freeway. Why is Glendale part of the Valley? 818 area code. End of discussion.

Now, the Militant uses "The Center" as a general term and not as the be-all-end-all identifiable moniker for The Center of Town. He leaves that open to you, the reader and perhaps other bloggistas, provided they recognize the fact that Los Angeles actually has a center now. Because let's face it, that's where the density is, that's where the transit lines converge, that's where the variety of good food is, where you go to clubs, where you watch movies, where the diversity is, that's where the rest of the region follows suit, and don't you forget it.

Now the Eastcoastcentric transies will inevitably balk and say, "B-b-but, that's no center! It's too big!" Well Los Angeles is a big region, so it's perfectly proportionate. Duh.

As for the geographic center of "The Center," (not to be confused with the actual geographical center of the entire City of Los Angeles), it appears to be around the Los Angeles City College campus. Perhaps the folks who live or work around there should take heed.

So Silver_Lakers and Echo Parkers, you are no longer "Eastsiders." And you never were in the first place. You belong to the heart of the city. Get used to it, damnit.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Crash Scabs: Who Cleans It Up?


You've seen it before. Car moves, car moves a little too fast, car brakes, yet not quite in time - car hits another car. Skid, crash, bang.

It might have even happened to you.

The two parties emerge from their vehicles (hopefully), words (often obscenities) and license/insurance (hopefully) info is exchanged, law enforcement arrives, a report is made.

Thus is the routine when there is a car accident.

Under more serious circumstances, the paramedics and a fire truck arrive. But let's just assume that the only physical damage was some rattled nerves in this case.

But the car? Eh, not so much. A fender, a bumper, a headlight, maybe even a license plate and fragments of all of the above litter the street. Chunks of plastic, metal and glass litter the street.

AND WHO CLEANS IT UP?

Yes, the Militant is ranting now, which is a good sign that he's gonna be more consistent in making his blog posts from here on. But aside from that, who's responsible for cleaning it up?
The accident parties certainly don't care, or might have more serious concerns. The fire/paramedics don't unless there's some sort of conflagration. Law enforcement? Maybe they'll take an entire bumper off from the road, but the little bits and pieces...that's probably up for the wind and rain to take care of.

No, the Militant isn't just bitching because he rides a bike a lot and runs over these things frequently, hoping to avoid a flat, but the Militant, also a motorist as well, doesn't like to see little bits and pieces of metal sticking out of the tires of his car, which just means another trip to the local neighborhood tire repair shop.

So folks, we gotta work out some sort of method or system for cleaning up auto crash scabs from our roads. They're unsightly and represent blight. They're bad for cars, motorcycles, bicycles and pedestrians alike, representing a public safety hazard. The Militant recommends either the police or city vehicles track each accident upon their reports and have a cleanup crew sweep up , pick up or even vacuum the debris up with some powerful machine that sucks tremendously (...um er, why does that not sound right?) . This crap is everywhere.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Raining, Blaming, Maintaining, Hydroplaning

 
For some reason there's been lots of grey clouds in the sky,
and there seems to be drops of water falling down...


Yes, it's raining again, and that means one thing: The time when our city's transplants (and transplant-biased media) love to declare that Los Angelenos cannot drive in the rain.

In addition to other things this native Militant
has to hear them beyotch and whine about (and those transies sure do love to whine!), the rain thing takes the cake (left out in the rain, in Macarther MacArthur Park, of course). First of all, it arrogantly absolves the person making the statement that they, and only they, are the only ones with teh l33t driving skillz in the entire region. Second, it's highly hypocritical on many levels, especially since many of the other drivers are transplants themselves, and there has yet to be any absolute scientific proof that any of them have never caused an accident (on another level, most transplants proudly declare that they prefer follow scientific logic and reason as opposed to faith or what others tell them, yet when it comes to matters regarding this City, they use anything but scientific logic and reason and rely on the preconceived notions fed to them by others...hmmm....). And lastly, it's ludicrously presumptive. So what, people from Los Angeles choose to drive bad in the rain? It's what we're taught in our Driver's Ed classes - to ignore all intentions of carefulness once the first drop of rain hits the road (If that's true, then NorCal people shouldn't be hatin', since they have the same Driver's Ed curriculum that we have)? Transie, please! With auto insurance costing as much as it does, do you seriously think we really want to get into accidents when it rains? And what is the crux of the problem? That we drive too fast? Or too slow? Make up your fuggin' minds!

The Militant Mythbuster says "Enough." Here's some food for thought.

Per Capita, Stupid. Of course, there's a lot more accidents when it rains here. Because there's a lot more cars and a lot more freeways. Duh. The Militant needs to see statistical proof of a higher per capita rate of automobile accidents during precipitation before he would consider lending credence to the generalization.

It's Not The Driver, It's The Tires. Here is one thing everybody, be they native, immigrant or transplant, totally neglects: Proper tire maintenance. You can be the best driver in history, but your l33t skillz won't mean jack if your tires have lost their tread, causing even the most adept driver to skid and lose control on wet pavement. Such is what caused an accident in late November which a local Jedi blogger experienced while riding in a landspeeder (but don't actual landspeeders, through the use of repulsors, avoid contact with the ground?). When it comes to auto maintenance, we seem to only be concerned with the mechanical well-being of the car and place things like tire rotation and replacement as a low priority. Los Angeles was once the largest tire-producing city in the country behind Akron, OH (hence the existence of places like this) - SO GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED, PEOPLE!
Lastly, and most importantly...

Suprise! Suprise! We are not the only place in the country where people cannot drive in the rain. When the Militant visited Portland, Oregon - a Pacific Northwest city with abundant rainfall - and rode their light rail train during one rainy night, he and his fellow passengers were forced to disembark and cram into a bus. The reason? A car hit a train further down the line. You'd have thought that Portlanders would have known better - because car accidents in the rain only happen in Los Angeles, right?

The Militant will now provide a (by no means comprehensive) list of sites and blogs from around the country, via his Militant research, which declare the drivers of their respective locales (including some known for frequent precipitation) as people who "Can't drive in the rain."

Richmond, VA

Texas

Maryland

Pittsburgh

Roanoke, VA

The Bay Area

The Bay Area again

Kentucky

Austin, TX (look out, Virginia, you got competition!)

Central Alabama

South Carolina, Alaska, Canada and New York


Phoenix

The South

Hawai'i (A state which is home to the world's rainiest place)

Springfield, VA (Way to go, Virginia!)

and finally...

SEATTLE!

You get the picture. You might even hail from some of these places. Pwnage is in effect. But on an objective level, it's all a matter of perspective. You don't see the problems of other cities in front of you every day; the only comparisons we are capable of are selective recollections and detail-deficient news reports (The Militant refuses to believe there were no auto accidents during the big Katrina evacuation in '05 - but you'd never hear of it, since that would have been only a trivial part of the bigger story).

So be careful out there (duh) and again, GET YOUR TIRES CHECKED!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Militant's Take On The Writer's Strike

So the Militant was going through his blogroll this morning and found a nice alternate viewpoint on the WGA Strike on Blogging.la. The Militant was so inspired he was gonna comment, but decided to put his statements on his own space.

But OMG Picket lines! Stop the world! Oh, the horror! THERE'S NOTHING TO WATCH ON TV! No more Desperate Housewives! (at least Filipino people can rest easy now that the show won't make any insensitive remarks towards them for the time being).

The Militant will keep this quick, after all, it's nothing he needs to be overtly concerned with.

So the writers want a fair share of their work...so they can continue to stereotype and disregard people - people who actually watch their dreck - so they can live comfortably in a nice Sherman Oaks townhouse. Uh-huh (The Militant doesn't at all dispute the fact that the producers are greedy, of course.)

The Militant cares absolutely nothing about this strike, as there are other people in this city who are struggling even more (an unbeknownst to the writers, producers, or anyone else in the entertainment industry, yes, there are other industries in Los Angeles (the health care industry is actually the largest in Southern California) this is not a "one- industry town" as those transplanted industry types constantly mumble through their culture-shocked generalizing mantras and likewise drill that point in our heads through their so-called "work"). Of course the real people (and yes there are real-down-to earth people in the City, though the industry refuses to acknowledge that) struggling in this City are people the entertainment industry purposely ignores and overlooks, simply because they don't consider them "people" in the first place.

Have fun out there, writers. After all, this is the only chance you'll get to "walk in L.A.," right? At least the weather is nice...just the way you like it!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Waiting For The Angels...

It has been six years, nine months and three days since the fateful February day in 2001 where the gear system of the Angels Flight funicular railway failed and killed one person while injuring seven.

But while the adjacent pocket park is being renovated, renovation and reconstruction of the Flight itself has yet to happen.

The update remains the same from Angels Flight Railway Foundation president John Welborne: "Angels Flight will reopen in __(insert arbitrary month here, which inevitably passes by)__, once we have our funding." The response, aside from that arbitrary month that inevitably comes and goes, had been uttered by Welborne so many times, it's made scratched records jealous. Welborne's constantly-revised advertisement in the pages of the Los Angeles Downtown News boasting the constantly-revised re-opening date is worth a chuckle in tiself.

The issue has been complicated by a seemingly possessive power-struggle between Welborne and the MTA, which had offered to assume the renovation costs and operation of the funicular. But Welborne, who was informally "knighted" by Mayor Tom Bradley to lead the Flight's pre-1996 rebuilding effort during his suggestion to the mayor at the City's 1981 Bicentennial festivities (hence Welborne's insistent entitlement to the railway), simply would not let "his" baby go without a fight.

The only renovation and repair that was actually completed was that of the railcars themselves, Sinai and Olivet, which are now being stored at the (M) Red Line Yard and Shops along Santa Fe Street in the Arts District (pictured above), waiting for their wings (okay, in their case, wheels) to be re-fitted on.

Since Downtown has gone on without the Flight for nearly seven years, should this all be an issue before all those big-ass Grand Avenue developments come to fruition? The flight had already missed out on its own centennial in December 2001. Or should Angelenos wait for another century (with constantly-updated arbitrary opening dates which inevitably come and go) before all this happens again?

Enough of this childish possessiveness, says the Militant. Welborne's initial resurrection of the Flight after nearly three decades was commendable, but it's time to let go and give in for the greater good of the City.

MILITANT UPDATE: Is the Militant psychic or what? The Los Angeles Downtown News has just reported that the Angels Flight Railway Foundation has already raised 88% of the $3.3 million required to reopen, with the latest arbitrary changeable date set to "December 31, 2007," pending the raising of the remaining 12% of the funds.

The Militant will believe it when he finally sees a crane lowering Sinai and Olivet onto the tracks.

Angels Flight (in exile) photo by Tim Quinn.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

The Militant is not one who easily jumps on the bandwagon, nor follows the crowd. In fact, his very existence on the Los Angeles Blogosphere is specifically because there are perspectives, views, events, people and places that are largely ignored, if not misunderstood, so the Militant naturally goes against the grain to bring those things to you on this here blog.

The Militant didn't want to write about these fires mainly because not only do the mainstream news sources already have it covered, but the local Blogosphere seems to have it covered as well.

But when the Militant started to feel somewhat lethargic this afternoon and almost felt a shortness of breath, that's all he can stands and he can't stands no more...
...okay, other than spending the next few days in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, there's nothing more he can do, except...

BLOG!!! (cough, cough, cough)

Damn, that didn't turn out so good.

But yeah, even though the Militant isn't exactly the only blogger feeling the weird-ass effects of inhaling cremated homes, trees and dry brush from our suburbs and exurbs, perhaps ranting on a Blogger.com Create Post window can be cathartic. After all, he can't ride his bike (well, technically, the Militant still can, it's just that his lungs would protest), take long walks around the vicinity of his compound, or the like. For some reason, this was much worse than the Griffith Park Fire, which was much more closer in proximity, but the smoke and ash didn't linger for as long.

Speaking of proximity, we all know that, aside from the environmental and visual impact, us city folks are largely spared from the effects of this fire (count yer blessings). But the constant media bombardment of "CALIFORNIA FIRE!!!" (cough, cough, cough) on newscasts and headlines, would probably make people Out East think the entire Golden State - all 158, 302 square miles of it - is conflagrated (to either their delight or chagrin). Yesterday evening, the Militant got a call from his cousin in Queens, NY who was wondering if all her Los Angeles-based relatives were okay. The Militant assured her that all the fires were burning miles away in outlying areas and that the only effects were the aforementioned smoke-related ones.

Of course, the Militant wasn't immune from the hype either; a few hours earlier, after learning that SD's Jack Murph, er, Qualcomm Stadium was being used as an evacuation center, the Militant called his Daygo-based operatives, who likewise assured them that they were just fine, and in fact people who fled the fire-ravaged areas sought refuge in their part of town. After all, they had already suffered their own inferno four years ago.

This all started with some wild Santa Anas, right? As a great native Angeleno songwriter once expressed in song, the blow hot from the north. The Militant considers the winds themselves to be a stunningly beautiful thing, almost romantic even. At least to this Militant, they bring back fond memories of a time years ago in his college days when he was dating someone who went to an unspecified California State University and had to trek through the parking lot, hand in hand with her, as the winds seemingly beat the two young lovers like a raging storm while they sought refuge in her dorm.

But that was then. These days, the Santa Anas are weather pr0n that give arsonists hard-ons, and now these domestic ter'rists are public enemy #1. Can America try to allocate more money into institutionalizing and taking care of its mentally ill so they aren't out there playing with fire in dry brush, resulting in people losing their homes and lives? Oh yeah, the US government has priorities (cough, cough, cough). Uh-huh.

Some have likened the fires to be "Our Katrina." Uh, not even close. Maybe when The Big One comes. But perhaps events like these test the resilience of people - transplants and natives alike - and weed out the ones who only come here for "The Weather" (that makes about 95.3% of all East Coast and Midwestern transplants, right?) - perhaps certainly a semiarid Mediterranean climate with a relatively low annual rainfall has its downsides, after all, so run along), and make for a stronger, thicker-skinned populace.

In the meantime, GO AWAY SMOKE (cough, cough, hack, hack, cough)!!!! The Militant wants his normal smog back.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Here Come The Biters!

Yes, making three posts in one day is an excuse to make up for lost time.

But after the Militant returned from his Eastside (Happy now, El Chavo!?) adventure, while passing though the uber-hip(ster) Sunset Junction in Silver_Lake, after craning his neck to see the artificially-verdant hills of Griffith Park, hanging on overhead wires above Sunset Blvd, the Militant spotted the worst incident of bird-biting since Ozzy Osbourne's 1983 world tour (pictured right).

W...T...F...is that? Some stupid logo that looks like a backwards "k," an "l" and a forward "k." The Militant means, come ON! The original wire-hanging Berd was cool and all - the Militant took it as some sort of natural/pleasant contrast/commentary on those sneakers hanging on overhead wires (and the public perception of such phenomena). So little painted plywood Berds hanging on wires, secured by padlocks (perhaps representing some sort of confinement or imprisonment) were a cool thing. But this...no really, this has got to stop. Whoever you are "klk"...really, give it up before you embarrass yourself further. Seriously.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Enough Already?

Fall is approaching - you can see it in all the advertisements for all the new television shows making their debut for the Fall Season, all starring a bunch of white people whom the East Coast-based media powers that control us all (well, most of us) believe you should be caring about.

While biking up Cahug-Na Ave on Tuesday afternoon, right on the corner of The Boulevard, the Militant happened on an entire south and west wall of a business, gaudily clad in ad-wrap (pictured right). The south wall carried the name of the TV show coming to the CW (the Militant won't be a mouthpiece for the networks, so find it out yourself) while the west wall was emblazoned with large photos of its Caucasian cast placed in the archways.

Similarly, a block south on Cahug-Na and Selma avenues was another south/west-facing advertisement for some new NBC shows with their own Anglo actors. This time it was a tarp stretched out on the second floor above Caffé, Etc.

Oh and BTW, no, the Militant didn't cause that little event on The Boulevard on Tuesday.

Now, Sunset Strip billboard ads are an institution. Ads can inform and entertain. Even buswrap ads have become part of the urban landscape. The Militant isn't against all ads. In fact, he'd love to see more on the subway -- it forms a contemporary motif that plays itself out in front of you and documents itself over time. Sure companies can and should get creative in promoting themselves, but, like all things, it can go too far. Water is good for you, but you can still drown in it.

Can't a building just be...a building?

Worse yet, the Daily News just did a story on parking stripe ads for a certain ABC show starring a bunch of white people (okay and one Latina...no, not that one, the other one). So yeah, when you're hauling your groceries into your minivan at Ralphs, you're reminded to to tune in every Sunday night.

Does it really work?

The Militant is sure that many people are now trained to just tune it all out. They see an ad and become apathetic to whatever is being sold. We also learn to tune out other annoyances, like dumping our junk mail straight to the blue bin (tip: anything in the mail with a return address from "Wilmington, DE" is junk mail. Even if you have friends and relatives there - into the blue bin it goes. Hey, better safe than sorry). Also, when our landline phone rings, 90% of the time it's a telemarketer. The Militant just picks up the receiver and hangs it up right away when his landline phone rings. A legitimate caller would make another attempt to call you back.

Of course, there are those who fall for such annoyances hook, line and sinker. Guess they make the world go 'round, eh?

Perhaps one day we'll be so steeped in ads ("Hey look, there's a dog food ad on my cuticle!") that the raw aerosol lines of a graffiti tag would be a welcome sight, relatively speaking...who knows.

Perhaps this is all just a part of that 21st Century malaise. But that's a topic for another day.

Meh.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I Saw the Sign, And It Opened Up My Eyes...

The Militant was driving home from work on Saturday along Wilshire Blvd. when he saw one of the 170+ types of City of Los Angeles designated community signs. Some 100 feet west of the corner of Wilshire and Highland, he saw the community sign for “Park Mile.”

Some 100 feet beyond that, right at Wilshire and Highland was the sign for “Brookside” (guess that wasn’t much of a mile, was it?)

Some 200 feet east of Highland was yet another community sign, reading, “Hancock Park.”

Several blocks east, the Militant saw, “Wilshire Park.”

A half mile beyond that he saw another sign reading, “Wilshire Park.”

WTF???

Okay, first off…these signs seem to be placed without any proper logic to them. Park Mile is less than a block long? Brookside? Since when could one find a body of flowing water near that part of Wilshire that is not a gutter? And “Wilshire Park?” Who the hell uses that? Though that might be a totally awesome name for a Korean American person born in Los Angeles, when was the last time you heard someone use that to define their part of town? Or even “Brookside?”

Los Angeles, we have a problem. A serious problem.

Designated community names are meant to instill a sense of community identity and pride, but most of all they were meant to be *used.* Who ever uses the antiquated “Wilshire Center” (which stretches way beyond Wilshire)? Virgil Village” was so-named because of a Riordan-Era Los Angeles Neighborhood Initiative (LANI) beautification project that added trees, decorative lampposts and other pedestrian improvements to Virgil Avenue between Santa Monica Blvd. and Melrose Ave. But ask any resident or business of that area where they are and they will either say “Silver Lake,” “East Hollywood” (which is way overdue for its own designation) or “Hollywood.”

On the flip side, there are certain community names that are used by locals, City services or the media – yet do not have a designation. “Mid-Wilshire” is the first to come to mind. “Fairfax District” is another. The “Byzantine-Latino Quarter” has its own large neon sign atop a self-storage building towering above Pico and Normandie and its own state-funded freeway "next exit" signs -- yet no community-name designation.

There seems to be no average size for designated communities. They can range from city-sized portions to something not more than a block large.

Ethnically-designated communities range in size from Koreatown (which is larger than some SoCal municipalities), the average/ideal sized Chinatown, Little Tokyo, Little Armenia and Historic Filipinotown, and the short, half-mile restaurant strips of Thai Town and Little Ethiopia.

Not only is there a lack of logic in the placement of the signs, or the under-use of their names, but the signs themselves have seemingly been placed in too many places.

The area known as “Downtown Los Angeles” has gobbled up way more than its share of designated communities: Civic Center, Central City, Downtown Center, Historic Downtown, Gallery Row, as well as many commercial “districts”: Broadway Theater District, Historic Core District, Arts District, Fashion District, Toy District, Old Bank District, Jewelry District, Furniture & Decorative Arts District (phew!). But what about the City’s own birthplace – El Pueblo? The City’s first and oldest community has no designation. Neither do commonly used places like the “Central Business District,” “Financial District” or the development-heavy “South Park" (perhaps the latter's lack of designation was intentional to avoid the blue signs from being stolen from fans of Cartman). The Militant understands there’s a valid need to recognize some of these areas, but don’t we all just call that place “Downtown Los Angeles” anyway?

Of course, “Downtown Los Angeles,” per se, doesn’t even have its own sign.

Other designated communities, especially those in the Valley, carry grandfathered U.S. Postal Service recognition from the pre-annexation era. Ergo, You have “Woodland Hills, CA” or “Van Nuys, CA.” On the opposite end of town, San Pedro carries the same status as well, as does Venice. Still, that doesn't stop gentro noobs from writing "Silverlake [sic], CA" on their return addresses, though.

Some names seemed to be pulled out of people’s asses just to complicate matters or make realtors horny. The Militant is sorry, any designated community which has the word “Heights” in its name that does not follow “Lincoln” or “Boyle” is a nothing but a load of crap, meant to artificially increase property values. The use of the term “Village” can also be suspect – what really separates Los Feliz Village from Los Feliz other than a row of storefronts? Los Feliz’s across-the-river neighbor, Atwater Village, over the years, has co-opted the rest of “Atwater.” Also, certain designated names that employ the use of a directional adjective to distinguish themselves from another designated community seem unnecessary: North Hollywood and West Adams are just fine, but North University Park or West Toluca Lake? Um, so what is exactly wrong with the other side of the community that warranted a virtual secession from it? Damn those Toluca Lake gangbangers, bums and hos that hang out all over Riverside Drive and make our community look bad! Let’s secede! (Tolucans: y’all feel the heavy sarcasm in the room?) Then there’s also a Toluca Terrace and Toluca Woods…Um, oookay. You might as well create "Toluca Heights" and "Toluca Park" since you've already annoyed this Militant.

Other names are awkward-sounding and superfluous: University Expo Park West (is there even a designated "University Expo Park"?) and North Village Westwood (uh, did someone forget to switch some words around?) look incredibly stupid as well. At least those two examples show that stupidity isn't exclusive to only Trojans or Bruins, respectively.

Certain designated community names are used, yet their boundaries are a little too ambitious. Melrose Hill, which is designated as the triangle between Melrose, Western and the 101 Freeway is only really used by its tiny, secluded Mayberry-like namesake neighborhood nestled in some small streets just north of Melrose Ave., run by a homeowner's association made up of angry old white folks (da GHP be in full effect, yo).

Some designated names, though real places, don’t seem to warrant a community in the geographical entity sense: Mariachi Plaza, though a wonderful historic and culturally-significant public space in The Real Eastside, is not a community the way, say, Pico-Union, Eagle Rock or Pacoima are (Boyle Heights is somewhere, saying to the Plaza, “Uh, hello?”)

Maybe next, you’ll see a blue sign reading, “Linda’s Front Porch.”

The system of the City’s 89 certified Neighborhood Councils, the first of which have existed since 2001, are made up of entities with boundaries drawn up by the communities themselves. A few adhere more or less to actual designated communities, such as Silver Lake or Panorama City, but others have split up designated communities into smaller segments: There are five neighborhood councils with “Hollywood” in their name and three with “San Pedro.” The creation of neighborhood councils has sprouted new names by which people identify where they’re at. Names like “Olympic Park,” “Beverly Crest,” “South Robertson” or “Rampart Village” have been introduced into the local parlance. As the neighborhood council system gets more established, will people identify more with their boundaries than the ones defined by those blue signs?

The blue signs seem to imply these designated entities are more or less equal in size or function. Perhaps the City should make distinct definitions between a “Community,” a “District” and a “Neighborhood.” Maybe a different color of sign should be given to denote business-oriented entities (i.e. Fashion District, Toy District), for example. The City should also gradually, over time, re-assess these borders and the locations of these signs.

Then again, maybe the Militant is wrong about this whole thing, and perhaps there really is a mile-long park around Wilshire with a brook running by it.